61

Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Eliezra Baldwin's File

« on: September 23, 2021, 06:26:34 am »

I was feeling much better today so went for a longer outing on the streets and outskirts of Conch.  The slums do not have a monopoly on suffering, I found, though naturally we have it much worse in most respects.  I sent a message out for a mentor. Ostian insisted I make it as cryptic as possible.  That seems rather pointless but I followed his advice for now. 

More importantly I won my first real victory.  Last time I ventured out from our camp I was grievously wounded by a mutant which was seemingly the priest of some chiropteran god.  The first time we crossed paths he ambushed me from the shadows, which were too murky for my still blurry eyesight to penetrate.  He wielded two blades and I had not been trained against such an opponent.  He took fiendish glee in the injuries he inflicted upon me.  I could not even hold my ground, let alone strike him back.  Only by the Broken God's mercy did I escape that time.

But this time was different.  I had scraped together enough money to improve my equipment somewhat.  My keen eyesight has returned and I instantly spotted the villain hiding in a corner and charged him.  I found my reactions had now recovered enough not only to parry his attacks but to counterattack.  He fell to my blade and I could tell by the fear in his eyes as he died that he did not find the experience of feeling pain as joyous as that of inflicting it. 

62

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: September 17, 2021, 03:27:13 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always.

Interview with a Tychean
Below is my transcript of an interview I conducted with the popular Priestess Kaylie of the Temple to Tyche in Upper Conch.  She is an attractive and diminutive half-elven woman with curly blonde hair and an infectiously cheery personality.  Even a few personal questions did not dent her happy resolve.
-S. Hellsworth, reporter.

SH: Good morning priestess, thank you for taking the time to speak with me. 
K: No, thank YOU!  What an absolute pleasure it is for me to have this blessed opportunity.
SH: Your mother is the famous soprano Mirella, who was decreed the Bard of Conch a record twelve consecutive years.  Did you feel any pressure to follow in her footsteps?
K: I did actually immerse myself in music for many years before I felt the call to study for the priesthood here.  But there was no pressure on me... why it was an  honour that Lady Fate chose to place me in such a blessed family situation. 
SH: Mirella was a single human mother when she had a fling with an elf noble who passed through town, a union which produced you.  What is it like to grow up with parents of two different races?
K:  It was a wondrous experience which I will be forever grateful for.  It was due to Fortune's Smile that my parents met, even if they were together ever so briefly.  My mother has always had such an overflowing abundance of love for me that the absence of my father was barely noticed by me.  Honestly, I was blessed from the start to be born into such a loving family situation.

[I pause to gather my thoughts for the next questions.  Kaylie gives me a patient yet dazzling smile]

SH: As I hinted earlier, Mirella already had a child from a previous relationship when she met your father.
K:  Yes, my half-sister Danica. 
SH: I've heard that this "loving family situation" is remembered rather differently by her.  Town gossip says that you and her have a ferocious rivalry.  Danica herself claims that you've just imitated her your whole life and even stole this job you have from her.  What do you have to say about these things?
K: I really feel for poor Danica.  It's not her fault she feels a little bitter or resentful towards me.  Yes, she pointed the way for me in a lot of areas, such as singing, dancing, and the Tychean faith.  It must be very hard for her that I've consistently proven so much better than her in every single one of them.  [Kaylie smiles pityingly a moment, before her dazzling grin returns]  But I didn't steal this job from her, the priests simply decided that I was the better candidate.
SH: I am told that Danica accused the priests of choosing you simply because you donated a large amount from your elven father's inheritance to the church and you physically appear more like some depictions of Tyche than her, not because of any spiritual merit.
K: Yes she did.  Amongst other less savoury accusations.  But even if that one claim is true, surely would that not be even more proof that I was Lady Fate's preferred choice?  For luck blessed me with features like hers and she blessed me again with the fortune of my father's money.  And luck is the currency of the goddess. 

[I move on to my next questions, noting that unlike many interviewees Kaylie has not been even slightly irked by "the bomb question"]

SH: Your personal interpretation of Tyche has been described as a little unorthodox but has proven wildly popular here in Upper Conch.  Can you explain it and the appeal it possesses?
K:  I don't find it unorthodox or controversial at all.  I preach that Tyche rewards effort and faith and often does so via material rewards.
SH: So all of the wealthy parishioners here in Upper Conch, whether they be businessmen, intellectuals or simply born rich have been blessed for their effort?  Doesn't that seem like a stretch to you in the last example?
K: Not at all!  Some have been rewarded for the daring and efforts of their ancestors and are born into fortunate circumstances.  Like myself.  And the others have been blessed in their own efforts with good fortune in their investments and employment. 
SH: But you can understand surely how the less affluent people of West Conch, whether Tychean or not, might see that as awfully convenient?
K: Perhaps, but I believe that Tyche chose me for this district of Conch.  Should the people of West Conch be feeling spiritually or materially unfulfilled, they have my colleague Priest Kardeen there to soothe their woes. 
SH: I am planning to interview him soon, so perhaps I will discuss the matter further with him.  Thank you, Priestess Kaylie, for speaking to the Conch Champion today. 
K: [cheerfully]  You should do that!  Tell him I said hi.  Have a lovely day!

END

63

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: September 13, 2021, 02:03:44 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always.

Upcoming Interviews
Soppira Hellsworth's recent interview with Kerrar of the Scales was well-received by readers.  Therefore she has been assigned to a weekly interview column highlighting notable residents of Conch.  This week, her subject is local legend Sir Theodore Capstick.
-G. Morton, editor.

A Chat With Sir Theo
Below is a transcript of my recent interview with Sir Theodore Capstick.  We spoke in his usual haunt of the Whispering Tree inn, near the famous trophy which was named after him.  Sir Theo is still a burly and powerful man despite his age and twirled his legendary huge moustache compulsively throughout our conversation. 
-S. Hellsworth, reporter.

TC: Be a good girl and get me a drink, will you?  I've got that Hellsworth lad from the local rag coming any minute. 
SH: That's me, Sir Capstick.  I'm Soppira Hellsworth from the Conch Champion.
TC: Oh a working girl I see.  Good for you!  How did that happen?  You barren?  Ohhh... you don't like gents, right? [winks]
SH: We're actually here today to talk about you, not me Sir Capstick.
TC: [booming laugh] Well naturally!  Call me Sir Theo, dear.  What would you like to know?
SH: It's well known that you were bestowed a knighthood by the Empire for many years of hunting dangerous animals and monsters.  Why did you become a monster hunter?
TC: When I was just a scrub, my father tried to encourage my reading by giving me a set of books written by Mannfred Von Darkmoor.  He was a monster hunter over a century ago.  Very famous in his day.  He hunted giants and vampires around Hadrian and Hilltop.  Was never on the right side of the authorities, sadly.  But I found his books inspiring. 

[A serving girl brings a tray of drinks and Sir Theo takes a long swig of ale.  Somehow not a drop of foam clings to his immense moustache]

SH: So then you decided you wanted to hunt monsters when you grew up.
TC: Grew up?!  Gods no!  I got started right away.  I wrestled and pinned my first goblin when I was but a lad of five!  I was crotch-punching orcs before I hit eight.  Singlehandedly hunting down, slaying and skinning packs of wolves before twelve!  Escalation, dear.  To stay famous, one must constantly exceed one's own achievements in some manner. 
SH: You professionally hunted monsters for money and fame for forty years before you retired.  What was your greatest hunt?  And why did you retire?
TC: I simply can't pick just ONE hunt as my greatest.  How could I split such great moments as when I slew an adult hydra by bashings its heads together?  The time I defeated an entire ogre tribe by ritually arm-wrestling every single one of them in turn?  The time I thrashed a dragon to death using the severed tail of its juvenile as a whip?
SH: And your retirement?
TC: I didn't retire because I wanted to, I retired because I had to.  The hundreds of injuries and poisonings over so many hunts take a toll.  Some good comrades of mine had died over the years too.  I was slowing down, and didn't feel I could match my old feats anymore.  At that point, what's the bloody use of it all? [shrugs in apparent distress]
SH: But it wasn't the end of your fame.
TC: Not at all.  The Empire was sufficiently impressed by my body of work to award me an honorary knighthood.  The innkeeper here is one of my greatest fans and offered me free lodging and drink for life.  I get to sign autographs and regale fans with my tales every night.  But still, I miss the old days.  That's why I created the Capstick Cup.
SH: And what is the Capstick Cup?
TC: [seriously] Why it is the most prestigious award a resident of Conch could ever hope to receive.  I award it regularly to any with the bollocks to impress me by hunting down a seriously dangerous quarry.  The trophy carries a sort of inherent magic of its own, probably due to being designed by and depicting myself,  and will make the winner an even greater hunter.  I'd like to make it a regular monthly event, actually. 

[Sir Theo and I look upon the display version of this trophy which sits proudly at the inn.  It is quite an impressive sculpture depicting a shirtless Sir Theo in his prime battling a wyvern]

TC: That happened up on Patrician Peak.  Never saw so many bloody wyverns before or ever again.  We lost a few good adventurers on that hunt.  That reminds me... why does that blasted paper of yours hate adventurers so damn much?
SH: That's editorial policy, it really has nothing to do with me.  You'd have to take it up with Mr Morton. 
TC: I think I bloody will.  Tell me though lass... is having a long gander at that statue of me near stark nude making you reconsider your preferences?
SH: I think we'll end it there, Sir Theo.  Thank you for talking to the Conch Champion.

END

64

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: September 11, 2021, 03:40:02 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always. 

A Brief Pilgrimage Completed
Hello again dear readers!  I apologise for my absence last week.  The newspaper owner advised me to take a short trip back to my hometown to "recharge and remember why you do this work".  I took the time to visit my ill wife, my son's grave, the temple and some general sites about Hadrian.  Pleasingly, the owner's advice was astute and I have returned with more zeal than ever.  I am grateful to return to Conch for it is a lively town.  It is said that Hadrian was equally lively once, but alas that was over a century ago, before Lunatics began to drag it down.

Many citizens send me tipoffs about various things unscrupulous people have done in the region, and I found quite a few new ones upon my desk on my first day back at work.  Several related to a dangerous place: the ruins of the fallen Valstiir enclave.  It seems that various adventuring parties have once more begun delving into that area and bringing back trinkets to sell in the Market District.  While this would seem dangerous only to the adventurers themselves, a few were allegedly boasting about indiscriminately jumping around planes using the still operational portals there.  This is the sort of tomfoolery that brought down the enclave and exactly the dangerous nonsense I would expect adventurers to be up to their necks in.

I also noticed upon my return that one other issue has not left the bars, alleys and other gossip venues of Conch.  Despite my assurances that the Man-Bat of Conch is a scam perpetrated by adventurers I see that reports of his existence stubbornly continue.  Therefore I appeal to readers: bring me pictures of Man-Bat!  I encourage all to send their concept art, sketches and eyewitness accounts to my editorial desk.  Let us all see how consistent this evidence truly is.  I look forward to seeing your submissions!

-G. Morton, editor
(OOC: anyone interested can post Man-Bat art or stories in the letters to the editor thread)

The Uptown Rats
The Conch Champion has it on good authority that a home in Upper Conch has suffered such a serious infestation of rodents that the entire building was almost written off.  The owner of the home is not known though persistent rumours state it belongs to a local celebrity.  Rat infestations are a rare occurrence in Upper Conch and residents are deeply concerned that the rat plague of West Conch is spreading beyond control. 

-S. Hellsworth, reporter.


Blood Farming
Market District residents have told the Conch Champion that several corpses have been found in the docks of the Creek Farms.  While this is distressing enough, adding to the horror is the revelation that they all appeared to have been exsanguinated.  First term Nebular student Pandora Voust was one of the poor souls who claimed to have stumbled upon some of these bodies.  "I came here thinking Conch was a quiet place," Miss Voust said.  "I wouldn't have come here from Saharelgard to study if I knew things like this happened here too."  WNTC however said that it has investigated the matter and found no substance to any of these stories. 

-A.Nutt, reporter.


Hope Where Before There Was None
The Last Hope road is an infamously dangerous trek, but good news has arrived for travellers.  A new rest stop has been constructed at the request of the Council of Conch.  This will give caravans one more safe place to camp along the road and it is the most distant outpost along the road yet.  Although the facilities are currently simple but functional, they will be expanded as funds permit.  Currently caravan and airship stops, herb gardens and camp sites are the main services there, all protected by low but strong walls. 

-P. Krellin, reporter.

65

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: September 06, 2021, 04:33:44 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always.

Editor on Leave
Our respected editor Giona Morton has been on personal leave this weekend. He has taken a brief vacation to visit his ailing wife and their son's grave.  Therefore there will be no editorial this week but we can offer something almost as good: an exclusive interview by gun reporter Soppira Hellsworth!

Kerrar and the Scales
Below is the transcript of my recent interview with the half-dragon Kerrar, leader of "the Scales", a minor gang of West Conch composed mostly of kobolds, lizardfolk and a few humans.  This is the first time Kerrar has ever spoken to the press.  During the interview we were served refreshments by Kerrar's kobold servants and he was flanked at all times by lizardfolk bodyguards.  A beautiful female yuan-ti pureblood sat beside him, cuddling Kerrar and patting his hand soothingly when his temper shortened.   As for Kerrar himself, he is a towering winged creature with ice-blue scales and a spiny dewlap beneath his chin.  He comes across as emotional, self-absorbed but in possession of a magnetic personality and a remarkable voice.
-S.Hellsworth, reporter.

SH: I thank you for agreeing to speak with me today, Kerrar. 
K: As well you should.  It is not often I, Kerrar, lower myself to speak with you smooth-skins.
SH: You have been in Conch for a few months now, but very little is actually known about you.  Would you care to tell us about your background?
K: Ugh.  What's to tell?  I am the product of a broken home.  My mother was a dear but my father is a grotesque bully who beat us both.  The only thing I learned from him was an intense hatred of all bullies.  I truly loathe them.  My mother died from one of his beatings, so I ran away from him and ended up here
SH: And then you founded a minor gang
K: [bellows] MINOR?!  How dare you!
SH: Look, all I'm saying is that the Scales lack the numbers and territory that, say,  Diiri's Boys have.
K: Bah!  Posers!  Hacks!  And so distressingly  lacking in scales!
SH: Can you please explain that last remark?  Why is whether they have scales or not so important?
K: [sighs] I can't believe I need to explain this.
SH: Please, the readers want to know.
K: Fine.  You see, scales are the most beautiful adornment that one could ever possibly wear upon one's skin!  Velvet, silk, satin... these are mere pitiful attempts at bettering the divine perfection of scales.  Naturally my own scales would surely be the most glorious in this entire city.  I look at you dear, and see you are quite pretty for a human... and yet all I can think is that you would be utterly breathtaking if you had scales.
SH: Well thank you, Kerrar.  Unfortunately it's extremely rare for humans to have scales, except due to curses or disease. 
K: Ah but you're wrong there!  I have several human members in my new family here.  And thanks to their frankly unsurprising devotion to my glorious self, they have branded, tattooed or cut scales into their own skin.  It makes me so proud!

[Kerrar wipes a tear from his eye and sighs happily as he contemplates his new family.  His kobold servants take the opportunity to refill our drinks.  One overfills Kerrar's drink and it spills it on the table.  Kerrar brutally backhands the kobold and sends it flying into a wall.  There is a sickening crunch of bone.  The kobold lays there whimpering as the interview continues]

SH: Ah... well... personally I'd rather not do that to myself.
K: A shame.  I am looking for another bride  for my harem so my family can have another mother.  I am finding that one simply isn't enough for my rowdy children.  But you just blew your one chance I'm afraid.
[the yuan-ti glares at me first with jealousy, then smug superiority]
SH: A sadness that will stay with me forever, I assure you.  You keep saying the word "family".  That's how you see your gang?
K: Yes!  They are my family, and I am their adoptive father.  I protect them from the other gangs who, believe me, are all run by HORRIBLE BULLIES who abuse their followers.  I'm not like that.  I offer those with scales and those willing to gain them a fresh start in a supportive environment.  Kobolds, lizardfolk, yuan-ti, troglodytes, marked smooth-skins... all are welcome here.
SH: Finally Kerrar, what are your plans for the future?
K: Oh, I'm sure Grymtol would love to see that in print.  How stupid do you think I am? [bellows and snorts cold mist from his nostrils].  HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM?
SH: Perhaps we should conclude our interview here.  I thank you for speaking with me today, Kerrar.
K: As well you should, smooth-skin.

END

66

General Discussion / Re: Theme song.

« on: September 05, 2021, 10:06:23 am »

Locke

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8U8gjFx9Vk

67

General Discussion / Re: Theme song.

« on: September 05, 2021, 09:57:34 am »

Lauriella Sithmore

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVlDSzbrH5M

68

Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Giona Morton's Little Black Book

« on: September 05, 2021, 07:55:14 am »

1a.
Lauriella Sithir
More threats and insults received.  What I was told about Selunites clearly true.  Claims to be observing me now.  Is either a pretty moon elf with speckled eyes or has an agent who is such.  Am currently mulling over whether pre-emptive action is necessary.  Possibly an ill or misguided girl and not actually evil.  Just touched by Selune's cruel madness.  Would not want to give her details to H if she can be cured.   

69

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: August 31, 2021, 02:12:30 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always.

APOLOGIES AND CORRECTIONS
While at all times the Conch Champion strives to report events with scrupulous good faith and accuracy, journalism is not a precise art and errors of content or judgement do occasionally occur.  Therefore I would like to issue the following statements regarding previous stories (one of which was published under previous editor Perrina Layne, but as current editor I must take responsibility). 

Apology to Hobgoblins
Last year, former reporter Acton Peers wrote an article discussing racial traits of hobgoblins.  We now acknowledge this article was in poor taste and inadequately researched and we apologise to all hobgoblin residents of Conch for its publication.  Specifically the Conch Champion withdraws the allegation that all hobgoblins are ravenously addicted to a traditional brewed drink called "hobnoggin".  Also, no future Conch Champion article will use the offensive abbreviation "hoblin" to refer to a hobgoblin.

Apology to Religions
I personally and profusely apologise to the churches and worshippers of Moander, Khozah and Targus.  In a recent editorial I implied that they were of comparable wickedness to another deity.  I understand and accept the hurt I have caused those parties with this association and promise to do better in future. 

-G. Morton, Editor

70

Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Eliezra Baldwin's File

« on: August 28, 2021, 11:04:31 am »

My health has improved enough that I can make some tentative journeys outside our camp.  I ran a few errands for the needy as best I could.  My muscles are still weak and my reactions slow, and it was not long before I was seriously injured.  But these are wounds that can be easily healed, unlike the scars left by my illness.  It did me some good and I can feel my vigour returning.  My equipment is rather shabby but adequate.  One of the Knots sold it to me cheap because he knew Trewin, the man who trained me.  The Knots seem less obnoxious than most of the other gangs and are probably the only one we are likely to find much common ground with. 

Ostian warned me of a few things before I ventured out.  He said the Boys have been shaking down strangers for protection money.  But they didn't bother me.  The brutes on duty just waved me through, so I suppose this means I am considered a local now or they just felt sorry for me.  Ostian also advised me to stay out of Uptown because "it's whip territory", whatever that means.  But I had no reason to go there anyway. 

Mylene wants me to find an ordained cleric of the Broken God.  Conch does not seem a likely place for such a person to be, even in passing.  All the same I promised I will search for one, though I am not entirely sure why she is so eager for me to meet one.  She's a lay healer and preacher and does a great job.  We seem to be doing all right on our own so far. 

71

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: August 28, 2021, 12:55:46 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always

Plights & Pirates
My recent editorial about Selunite adventurers was replied to by a frankly alarming letter of complaint accompanied with threats to my person and outrageous accusations about the cleanliness of my desk.  I have much sympathy for the plight of the insane.  My own wife tragically suffers from incurable insanity and along with the death of my son it is the greatest grief in my life to date.  So I will not name and shame this offender for their madness is not truly their own.  Instead, it is a tragic plight instilled upon them by Selune, the Mad Goddess of the Moon, who seeks to transform the serene and quiet darkness of night into something mystical and fearful.  I do take comfort from the many letters of support I received from the silent majority of good citizens of Conch who naturally all pleaded not to be named in fear of Selunite reprisals.

Reports from Sullivan's port say a new orcish pirate fleet is prowling the sea.  I advise all sane mariners to ensure they sail in convoys and be prepared to repel boarders.  This news caused me to ponder the nature of piracy.  Most pirates are what I would call "honest scoundrels", that is, nasty and cruel men and women who are under no delusions that they are anything but nasty and cruel men and women.  They are deserving of a noose certainly, but are simple criminals and no more.  Were they not so dangerous one could almost respect their pragmatic honesty. 

But there is a rare and deluded breed of pirate who claims to be acting for the greater good, to be liberating goods from the undeserving rich, to be avenging past slights and so forth.  You can imagine which goddess of navigators and mariners this specimen typically follows.  This type of pirate is reminiscent of the adventurer, who invariably claims the same motivations.  They share their tendencies to evade taxes, rob and murder men and beasts and wildly exaggerate their exploits.  Dear reader, you would simply not believe how many adventurers have written to me claiming they have slain the Man-Bat of Conch!  Dozens!  How can more than one of them (if even that!) possibly be telling the truth?  I tell you readers, the altruistic pirate is just as much a myth as is the altruistic adventurer. 

-G.Morton, Editor.


Rats and Rumours Engulf West Conch
West Conch was invaded this week by a horde of rats who boiled up from the sewers and threatened to overwhelm Diiri's Boys defenders.  Though the rodents were eventually put down rumours have swirled about their origins.  Some accounts claim that humanoid rats were seen directing the swarm.  This rumour has been given some credence by Nebular requests for any "intelligent rodents" to be captured and delivered to them for interrogation.  Another rumour claims that the rats are being directed by a breed of telepathic two-headed albino "rat queens".  The one person seemingly not worried is street vendor Nathal who buys rat tails and suddenly has more supplies than he ever dreamed of. 

-S. Hellsworth, Reporter.


Nebular Takes on Crows
Students from the Nebular University have formed a task force to investigate the crows decimating the Creek Farms area.  Though their first expedition failed to resolve the problem, Head Farmer Joy Lambert was grateful for the help.  "This is what we been crying out for- folk from inside the walls taking this problem seriously."  The farmers hope that Nebular will continue to investigate this matter and determine the cause behind the crows overstaying their welcome. 

-A. Nutt, Reporter.


Drama in Court
Justice Oswald Schenker has caused a stir in the Market Districts with one of his recent court rulings.  He convicted baker Darrell Peetevins of lacing his bread with sawdust, ignoring the man's pleas that the growing shortage of grain due to crows had left him no choice but to use a filler ingredient.  Peetevins' claims that sawdust is actually very nutritious were also dismissed.  Justice Schenker decreed that Peetevins' bakery will be closed and the baker himself kept in the watch house until he completely consumes a foot-long plank of fresh timber.  So far Peetevins has made minimal progress.   

-P. Krellin, Reporter.

72

Journals & Backgrounds / Giona Morton's Little Black Book

« on: August 22, 2021, 03:57:46 am »

This book is a small but high quality leatherbound journal.  Oddly, the notebook is circular rather than the typical rectangular shape. 

1.
Lauriella Sithir. 
Mulhorandi.  Captain of the merchant marine ship Moonflower II.  Apprentice at an academy (Nebular?).  Also follows Sehanine.  Likely an elf or half-elf.  Bad tempered & quickly makes threats of violence and insurrection.  Likely trade union links.  Imperfect spelling and punctuation. 

73

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: August 21, 2021, 08:26:35 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always

A Hidden Menace?
I am pleased to say that the insidious wave of theft which swept across Conch recently seems to have receded.  While I would never exaggerate my own achievements, I know that my scathing editorial last week played some role in unnerving criminals and rousing our District Authorities into action. 

One criticism I have received of late is that Conch's patron goddess, Tyche, is one who favours adventurers.  I have the deepest respect for the Tychean faith and church and would never unfairly criticise either.  Therefore I must clarify my position to some extent.  Adventurers are a topic I have studied and also possess great life experience of.  Those that do embrace the true spirit of Tyche (and indeed some other deities) are invariably the best people of what I consider a normally bad breed.  But there is one particular faith that seems to breed the worst behaved and most dangerous adventurers. 

Moander, you ask?  Khozar?  Targus?  No, none of these.  The faith which produces the most unhinged adventurers is undoubtedly that of Selūne! Time and time again I have seen her lawless followers do as they please and ignore the rules of society the rest of us dutifully follow.  Many Selūnite adventurers are quite insane due to the well-established influence of the lunar cycle upon madness.  Selūnite adventurers act without thinking and do so with the pompous arrogance of the misguided do-gooder.  Once, these lands were even preyed upon by a deranged order of knights sworn to Selūne whom (I believe) were known as the Swords of Five Lunacies.  Fortunately all vestiges of those madmen and madwomen are long gone and they will never trouble us again. 

This leaves us to be watchful in the present day.  I urge you all to consider the followers of Selūne in this city.  Some are our friends and co-workers, and likely good folk.  But how many of them could secretly be current or aspiring adventurers or their sympathisers, and what problems could they cause us in the future?

-G.Morton, Editor.


A Fiendishly Good Day
The Mistress of House Mistari caused hearts to flutter and spouses' eyes to wander in the Markets this week by doing a shopping trip in the company of a succubus.  Some shoppers were appalled at the scantily-clad creature's presence, while others appreciated the visibly pleasing diversion.  The guards were all of the latter opinion and declined to take any action.  Notary Victoria Hastings of WNTC said that the day's takings were excellent indeed as many shoppers had flocked to the markets upon hearing rumours of the succubus' presence. 

-S. Hellsworth, Reporter.


Census Chaos
The council's preparations for the triennial census of Conch are in turmoil.  In recent months an increasing number of humans with extraplanar lineage have come to Conch or been born here.  Much debate has occurred about whether these residents should be considered humans, demi-humans or be assigned their own category (or categories).  Some also expressed concern that some sort of planar influence is drawing these people here. 

Furthermore an anonymous witness to these debates states that some administrators believe that many of the monstrous humanoids of West Conch will be unwilling or incapable of filling out the census form.  This would skew the data unless some means of ensuring their participation is imposed. 

-A.Nutt, Reporter.


No Relief From Crow Plague
The flocks of crows despoiling crops and harassing citizens of Conch are yet to migrate from the area and it appears they are here to stay.  Some tentative extermination efforts by independent operatives and district authorities are understood to have occurred but farmers and traders have reported no easing of the crow menace.  Farmers in particular are facing severe crop and income losses this season.  Head farmer Joy Lambton of the Creek Farms is leading bands of farmers to chase off crows which retreat to the marshes then swiftly return.  "We're doing the best we can," she grunted, "but this needs to end or we'll struggle to feed the city come winter."

-P. Krellin, Reporter. 

74

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: August 14, 2021, 02:02:50 am »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always

Stop, Thief!
A wave of the most cowardly form of theft, pickpocketing, has fallen upon West Conch.  This should come as no surprise since this area is by far the roughest and most lawless part of Conch.  There were pickpockets under the administration of the Kolumbo Gang and no one should be surprised that Diiri's Boys are equally as lackadaisical in preventing them.  But as far as I am concerned, how Grymtol runs things in West Conch is Grymtol's business, not mine.

What concerns me far more is that the West Netheril Trading Company has not made a strong statement about this situation.  I have received complaints that people have even had their purses lifted in the markets.  This is utterly unacceptable!  This plague of wallet-lightening must not spread outside West Conch to the Market District, or gods forbid to Uptown either.  I call for Governor Every Hastings to immediately declare that pickpockets in the Market District will be hunted down and prosecuted for disrupting trade!

Finally, the pickpocket is rarely a dedicated specialist.  They invariably have other talents, whether it be thuggery, panhandling, burglary or murder.  Some perhaps even masquerade as legitimate professionals in conventional trades.  But most sinister of all is the link I have noticed between pickpocketing and adventuring!  Yes dear reader, many adventurers are skilled pickpockets.  They use these skills to illegally fund their deluded expeditions, rob innocent monsters and engage in various immoral sleights of hand.  Until proven otherwise, every adventurer should be considered a potential pickpocket.  Keep your coins tight when in their company, or better still avoid them entirely. 

-G.Morton, Editor.


Disappearances in Conch
District Authorities have experienced a sharp rise in reports of people going missing in Conch.  This phenomenon seems to be city-wide but no pattern or explanation has been defined as yet.  The Conch Champion has received dozens reports of people who are searching for missing loved ones (a full list of these names is printed in the classifieds section).  Most disturbing of all a few of these accounts involved people literally vanishing before the eyes of witnesses.  In one of these cases, the shaken witness claimed "poor Abdul was eaten alive by some invisible monster!"

-S.Hellsworth, Reporter.


Minotaur Goes Berserk in Markets
In a shocking incident this week a minotaur lost control and began attacking unfortunate passers-by in the fringes of the Market District.  Thankfully the District Authorities of both West Conch and the Markets swiftly dealt with the frenzied monster but not before it caused several deaths.  This horrifying event has caused some to question the wisdom and safety of allowing large and potentially dangerous humanoids to live within the walls of Conch. 

-A.Nutt, Reporter.


Lusus Naturae Regula Founded
Master Kliment of the Nebular University has officially announced the formation of Lusus Naturae Regula.  He states that this organisation will study and investigate incidences of violence and other anti-social behaviour committed by monstrous humanoids within Conch.  "This will not be some secretive clubhouse of narrow-minded racists," Master Kliment stated.  "We will have some of the sharpest minds of Conch working on this project.  I expect our work will improve lives of all people in Conch, and actually many of the monsters too."

-P.Krellin, Reporter 

75

Public Notices / Re: Issues of the Conch Champion (For public reading)

« on: August 07, 2021, 12:57:12 pm »

The Conch Champion.  Independent & Accurate, Always

The Man-Bat of Conch:  Monster, Urban Legend, or Sheer Fabrication?
One of the stranger stories one hears whilst walking the streets of Conch is that of "the Man-Bat".  Depending on the source, one will hear that the Man-Bat is a monster, a mad-man, or a practical joker.  What is clear is that these stories are confined to a narrow stretch of the Market District and always revolve around the Man-Bat making his lair in some unfortunate's basement.  Some poor deluded souls even become fans or acolytes of this legendary creature. 

The usual question discussed when locals speak of the Man-Bat is simple- is he real, or simply folklore?  I however, postulate a different origin to this creature.  An unnamed source has told me that the Man-Bat is a sick practical joke created by the more deranged adventurers of this town.  This source told me that adventurers have been capturing some bats and turning them loose in basements, then having one of their own dress up like a humanoid bat to scare the owner.  Then, the adventurer's cronies arrive and drive off the Man-Bat and claim a fee for their service. 

While no physical evidence was provided for this shocking claim it seems all too plausible to me.  It causes me to wonder too if adventurers are responsible for other nuisance problems we find in Conch, such as livestock mysteriously getting free and swarms of insects infesting homes.  Naturally, these problems also require a "generous adventurer" to resolve them!  People of Conch, next time you find yourself faced with some irritating or recurring problem ask yourselves "could an adventurer have caused this?"

-G. Morton, Editor


Nebular Students Go Wild!
It is apparent that this year's class of Nebular students is the wildest yet.  The Conch Champion has received numerous reports, tipoffs and complaints about new Nebular students indulging in all sorts of misbehaviour.  Grievances this newspaper have heard include street fights in the slums, roughing up a member of House Mistari, stirring up racial tensions and even stealing credit for each other's work.  Clearly the Masters of Nebular will have a harder semester than usual keeping their more unruly students in check. 

-S. Hellsworth, Reporter


Rampant Misuse of Magical Proclamations
Proclaimer Jason has directly complained to the Conch Champion about his services being misused by residents of Conch.  "Magical proclaimers are a vital and respected profession in the lands of Netheril," he said.  "It insults me and my trade when my skills are used to send nonsensical gibberish, threats and trash-talk after street brawls!"  Jason's suggestion is that offenders take their squabbles to the arena and settle their differences there.  Nevertheless, he assures the Champion that he is a professional and will continue (if sometimes grudgingly) to send any proclamation if hired to do so. 

- A.Nutt, Reporter


United in Death
The Solemn Mourners of Conch, a funeral service in West Conch, have welcomed calls for a more grand and secure temple to Jergal to be established in our city.  Mortician Kurt Totenstarre said "my organisation feels a deep connection to the Church of Jergal.  We share many of the same duties and my employees and I make regular contributions, both financial and volunteer work, to the Church."  While death is rarely a welcome visitor to most households, we in Conch are blessed to have two fine organisations working so well together in this grim industry. 

- P. Krellin, Reporter