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[The following are a collection of journal entries from IRL days OCT 28 - NOV 3]

Spoiler

Human lands are very strange. Nothing like home. Much chaos, strife, suffering. But also a land filled with ambition, from the commoners to the nobles. Most intriguing. I feel there is much to be learned here. I'm now beginning to understand why grandmother bid me come to these lands.

I have nearly died thrice. Once, to a Slaad of immense power from a place called Limbo. I was saved by Miss Lyra's healing magic.

Then again, to a group of spirit warriors in the keep in wonbrie. I know not how I came back to exist in Hadrian, but I can only chalk it up to the will of the Seldarine. I wonder why they bid me be saved... Perhaps my work in this plane is not yet done.

The third was to a vanguard of orcs attacking Southbank. I advanced too far and became trapped in a mod of foes and allies alike... I was no match. A man named Bentley pulled my soul back into my body when the fighting was in a lull... I owe him a great debt.

I have also fulfilled many duties that the council has given me. I hope that my work was adequate enough. I fear that I am still far weaker than those that surround me... I must work even harder if I wish to be the elf that my people need in these troubling times.

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[A collection of notes on people Allania has met]

Spoiler

I have met a collection of interesting characters along the way...

Mr. Arkelos - This human man is extremely powerful. I've seen him take on many stronger enemies all at once, one of whom could have easily done away with me. I find it hard to understand his motivations for why he fights, though he speaks much of earning coin, he is also quick to spend resources on both himself and others he is helping. He will also put himself in harms way to protect others. Also, he has helped me brave the keep in wonbrie to uncover its secrets. he has been studying the documents we recovered and will hopefully give me his thoughts on them soon, or let me see them. Also, he has offered to have me join his adventurer's faction, though he mentioned something about a test I will need to take. I have been admitted into the guild with full membership. I have witnessed Mister Arkelos battle creatures far stronger than myself, and often many of them at a time. Truly, he is the greatest warrior I have yet seen. I also can't help but be drawn to follow him as he leads. Will be keeping a closer eye on him.

Mr. Fjord - Perhaps stronger than Arkelos, but almost completely silent. Motivations are impossible to ascertain by his behavior. He has now given me many items that are useful to me, for no payment at all. I do not know why he does this... Mister Belorfin informed me that he has lost many friends in his adventures, and that has made him sad. Will try and converse with him in private at another time.

Mr. Belorfin - A member of elf blood. Very rude. He has warmed up to me as of late. I accidentally mistook him for a bandit and he got very angry about that... Will see if time will heal the rift between us. Has a panther familiar named Clyde. It has a saddle (?). He mentioned that his goal is to learn knowledge (what knowledge I don't know), and that this knowledge will give him the power he needs to protect those he cares about (I don't know who he seeks to protect).

Mr. Thersos - A member of the Human house Riscotti. A polite man on the outside, yet I've been warned about those in his house of being treacherous. Very much a man who is goal driven and cares about the bottom line of making profits. Also a talented musician. We have had discussions about ending the slavery of our people... I hope that dream is not just polite talk. 

Mr. Lazerus (deceased) - He dresses in all black and reeks of necromancy and evil intentions. He is good about getting others to aid him by having seemingly innocent intentions. I am not yet convinced. I'm unsure of what his motivations are. He apparently committed suicide after the death of his master...

Mr. Iachanar - A fellow elf blood. Very brave, polite, devoted to our people and gods. I hope to get to know him better. Talented archer.

Mr. Tanner - Very quiet and soft spoken. Seems a little shy. I see him sneak around town, I wonder if he notices that I can see him in the shadows. He acts polite and nice however. Threw a grenade that stunned himself though... But was still tough enough to fight off spiders who were using all manners of dirty tactics on him and outnumbered him many times over. Unsure of intentions.

Mr. Dark Knight [/Ryld] - Unsure of name. Very dark and brooding. Sadistic in tactics towards enemies. Takes joy in killing and instilling fear. Unsure of motives. DROW! Apparently on the run... Have not seen him in days.

Mr. Bentley - Saved me from the brink of death. I owe him a great debt. Unsure of his motives...

Mr. Drake - Very nice man. Helped show me around and made me replacement gear for my decayed training gear. Also helped supply me with healing wands to aid allies. Seems to care about his friends a lot and goes out of way to help him. Mentioned knowing grandmother. Unsure of motives. He has crafted me a blade of grandmaster quality, forged with silver.

Mr. Stronkonov (Stronky, as Lyra calls him) - A strong, quiet man, much like fjord. A half orc as far as I can tell... He always has his arms crossed and looks angry, yet talks like he is very calm. I have tried imitating this to see if it makes me appear angry too. Unsure of his motives.

Mr. Damion - Human mayor who was just elected. Seems to have some controversial policies. He mentioned Hadrian needing more money to fix things and fight off invaders, so I gave him 9000 gold. I hope it helps. Unsure of his motives.

Mr. Garrius - A human warrior who wields a big axe. He is a bit... What's the word for it... Aggressive. He talks of bloodshed and seems to flirt with every female he meets. His main goal seems to be to earn glory for himself through battle. For what reason, I don't know.

Ms. Lyra - Halfling mage who is eager to help others. She mentioned knowing 9th circle magics. Seems driven by pursuit of knowledge and power. Clever enough to avoid temptations from Slaads.

Ms. Nylaathria - Fellow elf blood. She showed me where to find monsters to kill, and took me to a place to buy better armor and have it tailored. She looks down on non-elf races, but she is quite a strong warrior. Hope to match her battle prowess one day. Unsure of motives.

Ms. Morgaine - Human from the floating city. Has shown interest in helping others, and shown herself to be a good friend. I enjoy our talks. Unsure of motives. She fervently served her Lady Liege, Fiona, but now that she has died, I am unsure what she will do. I do hope she is alright... When I last spoke to her, I felt my response to the sad news was far too inadequate. Perhaps soon I can find the words to help her feel better... She tried to swear fealty to me, but I politely told her I would prefer that we be equals! She seemed to understand what I was saying.

Ms. Sylvania - A fellow elf blood. Worships Seldarine diligently. Also very kind and a bit shy. Willing to go out of way to help others in need. She gave me an amulet of protection. I hope she and I can grow to become good friends. Unsure of motives.

Ms. Nica - A very powerful human arcanist. Seems driven by power and pursuit of knowledge. Seems to be a common theme for mages in these lands.

Ms. Allistrana (Ally) - A half human, half elf. She is quite shy and puts herself down, but I think she is far stronger than she realizes. I hope in time she can grow more confident in her abilities. She mentioned wanting to help the people around town, an admirable goal.

Ms Fiona Voust (Deceased) - A human minor noble, who is the lady liege of Morgaine and Lazarus. She apparently died in the scuffle that broke out over a gifted shield that we received after defeating waves of undead and demons. I am filled with regret at this... Perhaps I should have asserted my opinions more or diffused the situation... Or anything. A loss of life over a silly item is barbaric and foolish. I must be diligent and prevent such a thing from happening again.

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[People's section updated to include entries for Garrius, Ally, Stronk, Damion, Fiona]

[Updated entries for Arkelos, Fjord, Morgaine, Belorfin, Lazarus]

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[A collection of journal entries from IRL 3 Nov - 7 Nov]

Spoiler

My life has taken an unexpected turn. Apparently, I am now the bearer of a Helm of the Eternal Flame, after being judged worthy by the spirit who inhabits it. To be honest, I didn't even want this helm - I merely wanted to see if I had what it took to be worthy to fight evil and prove my worth. I know not what drove me to do this... It would seem that I am still searching for answers of my own motivations. I literally was willing to die for the right to be called worthy... And was given a rebirth, much like a phoenix, for my efforts. I found myself renewed with vigor, and ever since, I have tried to do right by continuing to earn the right to be this helm's bearer.

There have been many tough fights as of late, especially with the undead. Some appear to be sent by the evil enclave... Yet others reside in an ancient elven keep in Wonbrie Woods. I have tried many a time to uncover its secrets, and yet the answers still elude me so. But every time I go back, it seems that more secrets reveal themselves. I hope that in time I can uncover the truth, even if I have to knock down those spectres many times over.

Speaking of the spectres, they appear to be far more clever than any other enemy I've encountered. Their positioning in battle, the arsenals at their disposal, the traps they lay... Each of them is a deadly foe, and a single misstep would be my head. Even with a group of 12 aiding me, we still lost a few to their defenses, especially when the dead rose again to fight us. Return trips will be difficult, but I believe that the secrets there must be uncovered at any cost, lest I disappoint the council.

I have also met some interesting people as of late. Mister Drake, Mister Fjord, and Mister Arkelos have been especially kind to me, gifting me with arms and armor for my fight against evil. I owe each of them much, and I hope to repay their kindness one day.

I have also seen unsavory acts committed... Apparently, two people, Miss Fiona and Mister Lazarus both died as a result of an argument over loot gained from a battle. I am still wracked with guilt over the situation, and as such, I was unable to find the words to comfort my new friend, Miss Morgaine. If I see her again, I hope to be able to give her more comfort... For all the kind words she has given me, it would be the least I could do.

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[Updated Entries for Arkelos, Thersos, Ryld, Drake, Morgaine]

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[A journal entry dated between IRL 8 Nov - 17 Nov]

Spoiler

Am I worthy? That is the question I've been seeking to answer in my travels...

I've been entrusted with the Helm of the eternal flame... I've been entrusted with companions who are brave and honorable... I've been entrusted with a blade with craftsmanship unlike any I've ever seen... All of these things have made me feel so happy and blessed.

And yet I still fail.

Bested by a filthy drow... In front of a crowd, no less. I can't even save a single of my kinsmen from the bonds of slavery, and yet I'm expected to save the lives of many more from some kind of undead lich king? I can't help but feel that I'm not worthy in any sense of the word.

I've brought shame on myself, my family, and my people. I have disavowed my states as a member of tel'quessir, and will not return home until I have earned the right to go home. I can't look grandmother in the eyes until I'm certain of my worth.

But ever since I've gotten this helm... I've felt different. It took me a while to realize how, but... I think I've finally figured it out.

Every time I die I forget.

It's not just about my battle prowess... That is to be expected after such a soul-wrenching journey. But I've forgotten other things, too. The first few times, it was little things. How the wind would feel blowing through my hair, how grandmother's tea tasted straight out of the pot... Those were things I had to relearn.

But as of late, I've forgotten far more important things.

On one of my recent returns home, I was approached by a group of friends who I had supposedly known for many years... And their faces and names didn't register with me at all. They thought I was playing it off as some kind of joke... But truly, I had no idea who they were.

And after this last death at the fighting tournament... For a long while after I had come to, I had so much anxiety. I tried to hide it, but I couldn't help but panic about thinking about what I would forget this time...

Then it hit me.

I don't remember my parents.

I remember that they passed many years ago, when I was still a little girl... but I don't remember their faces, or anything about them. I don't know why, but it just... It hurts. It hurts knowing that I cared about them, and that I wept for them long after they were gone, and I've now lost any happy memories that I had of them.

It's just killing me. What else will I forget, should I die and be brought back again?

At this point, I can't help but feel I will eventually wish to stay dead. Hells, perhaps it would have been better if I stayed dead the first time. Maybe then I wouldn't have brought so much trouble to my people and my home.

... But I still, despite this depression, feel a desire to push on. I don't why, but I do. Maybe it's the spirit of the eternal flame. Maybe it's the Seldarine, willing me on. Or maybe it's something else. But so long as I draw breath, I will continue to push on, no matter how much my body and soul hurt.