20 Feb 20, 11:03 am » Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?


Netheril : Age of Magic

Please login or register.



Author Topic: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny  (Read 910 times)

Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« on: December 05, 2019, 07:57:17 am »
     Zahirra Sa'Laeth
Houndmaster | House Reschotti Slaver


Coming to Hadrian from up the river, Nauseef,
Zahirra's only goal is to obey the will of her
family - to fulfill the role that's being expected,
that's been ordered by those above her. To join
a great House, for the prestige of her family
and its good name...

However, after talking with some people she starts to see
and believe that she perhaps can do something she
would like. That she can choose.

And among all the drama and mess going on in Hadrian,
a beautiful, intricate silver lining starts to reveal itself.   



(just for the record, i didn't paint this portrait - too lazy, just edited it)
« Last Edit: January 26, 2020, 07:18:19 pm by Zahirra Sa'Laeth »

Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2019, 08:26:16 am »

I took my time to get to know the city more.
And, without much of a thought or with too many hidden and suppressed ones, thereís a desire to have hope, to move onÖ to have plans revolving around myself, not around what others want of me.

Balancing on a fishing line. Thatís how I feel after todayís day of talking and writing letters. Half of the words I get in return are empty but no matter, I must keep pressing on. The issues are too important, and are going to keep piling on top of each other unless I take the steps as soon as theyíre able to be taken.


Iíve successfully asked around about the snows and other troubles that hold Hadrian in their grip - thereís surely much more that Iím not being told, however itís of no matter for now. Not like Iím not at the mercy of others, being the weak 'shitface' I am.

That reminds me of someone most surprising, who not only got me out of my guarded, defensive shell but crushed it so hard it crumbled into the wind. Who would have thought that what I needed are not the life-wisdom-teaching lectures of Shi and Teuivae, but it was a poke of playfulness and a cocky bastard of a shadow half-drake that brought smile onto my face and peace into my soul. The gnoll, Garlax, is quite alright of a companion too - he seems to be interested in working out a food shipping deal with the Mayor Wren.

Balancing on a fishing line. Great Houses, Wren and Shi, Adventurers, Southbank, and my alliance with Neasa on a private matter.
All as fragile and vulnerable yet in their power, as they hold onto it with everything they have.
So must I apparently, if i am to survive.
To keep balancing on the fishing line.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2019, 07:48:21 pm »

Being surprised by Trinraís husband and his one-liner left me stunned with my mind racing.
Then it clicked, I needed to talk to him. But he seems to be rarely around. I met him for the first time on his own at the party, he mustíve been in mourning the whole time since TrinraÖ Ah, dear Trinra. I miss you.

Iím still looking for the scrolls to enchant the rapier with. I sent out some letters and I must ask Uldur next time I stumble upon the old man. I was also told to ask Belorfin, but then again I've heard the Societyís fees have skylaunched and I donít have much left.


Shi Lei is willing to forge weapons if he gets soldiers under his command. A difficult deal to make, and Iím not sure whether to even begin.
And once again I forgot to ask him about the items of the Three. On the other hand, we discussed so much today it couldíve been a risk. Iím not yet entirely sure about people around here.


I went to rest my mind after the whole day to the cliffside cave, though by the time I got there it was early in the morning - I slept at the ship on the way there.
After that one time Sjach told me that ďitís been a while since he ate,Ē every other day I go out of my way to get him something to eat. Like today, a roasted herb lamb with gravy. I needed to ask him about Raven anyways, last time I remember he and Trin lived in Sullivans. They might've seen each other. I left him a note along with the breakfast, gave the sleepy dragon a gentle kiss on the nose and left again, not only to catch a bit more sleep at the rocking ship before another day in Hadrian starts.
Arkelos partially warned me, after all.
And itís only getting colder.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2019, 06:08:25 pm »

I took the leap and tried to ask for Raven via proclamation, meeting him at the streams that ripple across the Northern farms.
Iím safe, he understood the situation I explained.
Thatís greatly appreciated.
No danger from that side.

The rest of the day continued in the way of dodging and careful ballet of words and half-told phrases. This field of work surely is exhausting, nothing Iíve been doing before couldíve gotten me ready for it.


I received a reply from Aardyn, his signature brought a faint smile which I must thank him for later, perhaps in a form of a shotglass over the topic Iím meant to discuss with him - the fate of Voust family and estate.
Iíd like to ask for his assistance on coming to the estate, I could get the Houseís lodgers and legal papers from there and bring them back to Hadrian for examination of the deal funds lost. Thereís not much guidance or details on the task list, so I have to paint in broad streaks for now.
Quote
Lady Zahirra,

   As always, I am open to talk about potential jobs. Our door is always open, whenever you feel like dropping in. I know Grano would enjoy a change in scenery, from my ugly mug. Should I be out and about while you pop in, you can inquire with any of our council members about Society hiring, though I do have a personal score to settle with the blood sucker. Come by. Our taps are always chilled and Grano pours a mean one.

   Best regards,

      Ladyman


Unable to be actually productive despite being almost as busy as the Judge of Souls, I stashed the papers into a file, went to make some small adjustments to my leisure clothes - for when the snow finally thaws - and then I went to look for my dragon in hopes of letting the stress fall away in a good way - and not by hiding away with a bottle and tears.
I met Lenna, an elven fighter, it seemed. She asked me for a help with picking clothes - and there are very little better ways to unwind,
so of course I went with her!
Though, I was seemingly having a cursed heck of a day, as the dragon was Ďnowhere to be foundí - in other words, elusive and hiding away from everyone, likely right close by. I canít tell I didnít feel let down by that, as well by the call after. Fortunately, being open and actually voicing my concerns proved to help. Even before that, he apologized on his own, and said that itís easy to find a better company than he is.
Unexpected of him to say.
However, what he said is true, and yet isnít. As heís far too special to be comparable to others, a fountain of calm, and the only one I donít feel like is just an eagle, waiting for an opening to strike, nor a vulture, waiting for the above to happen and then joining on the feast. Even if it's someone burdened to this extent the one I feel this with, I won't back out. After all, I'm not much less of a fuckup too.

The day ended in a gentle cuddle, and I admit, a little cry. He needed me, just like I needed him.
And... he told me something that made me sure of this.
That I want this.

« Last Edit: December 08, 2019, 04:23:10 am by Zahirra Sa'Laeth »

Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2019, 12:07:26 pm »

The position of a House Mage piqued Minervaís interest, now to see whether she gets accepted with her origin and little expertise, starting as an Initiate. In my estimate it would be welcome though, as the House can have her shape her skills exactly to its needs and wants. Opportunity to study, enchant items andÖ experiment seemed of interest to her too.

I met with Overseer Morriman, and got a unique scroll out of the deal - Prismatic Spray, only for a bit over two thousand. I need to keep my finances in check better. Fortunately the other scroll came as a present from Uldur upon hearing of my enchantment goal. Besides the diamonds, Iíll have Meleghost use an emerald..
the one that reminds -him- of my eyes.


Another day, another new face, and so it happens I met Dameraxia, a dark-skinned, attractive woman. Another mage apparently, pixie companion. Sheís of a noble origin, confident. She fit well with Minerva and Radriel, so I took my time listening to them all, thinking of other things in for once peaceful environment of the Society Pub.

After everything was done, I spent majority of my free time together with Sjach.
We were resting, wrapped in a thick blanket, near the fireplace.


« Last Edit: December 08, 2019, 07:18:19 pm by Zahirra Sa'Laeth »

Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2019, 04:14:14 pm »

Interview with Aardyn and Belorfin went swimmingly, it was quick and to the point. Price for escort is very acceptable, nothing like Iíve heard about their prices being horribly over-the-top. That left me curious, and I asked. It turns out they were just sick of not getting paid with anything but promises of Ďrespect and pride.í

So it goes, and mr. Redwillow has officially called out a summon for people who would like to join. I simply sat in the entry hall if anyone would be of need of my assistance. Minerva came out of Ministerís office, and the three of us went to the Upper Estate.
After brief interviews the task was set - to bring back the statuette of Lady Valstiir,
one of rare artpieces in even rarer collection, for Docent Ressat.
Sheís a sweet woman with weak health, and both Minerva and I hope we could be of help to her someday.

After an unplanned burglary, chat with a frost spirit guardian and calming down a spirit of a hound, Minerva found the statuette and we could go back. All in all - sheís now an Initiate!


Aardyn, Abigail and I talked for a bit later. Upon Aardyn mentioning that thereís a party planned in the Society Pub, a certain worry has sprouted in my mind. The snow continues, and that would be a second party over the period this unnatural snow lasts.

In other words, I fear a riot.

Iíve seen the Wonbrie Woods and the weird, curious lower level of its crypt. I should tell Sjach about the locked door.

I need to talk with Neasa soon. I should tell her of the spirit too, as it seems to have a connection with the snow. Perhaps I can learn more this way.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2019, 10:35:37 am »

First visit to the library - done, and very fruitful. I'll keep the notes for the future.
Spoiler
Quote
Quote
After creation, there was a period of timeless nothingness, a misty realm of shadows that existed before light and darkness were separated. Eventually, this shadowy essence coalesced to form twin beautiful goddesses, polar opposites of each other, one dark and one light. The twin goddesses created the bodies of the heavens, creating Chauntea, the embodiment of the world of Toril. Toril was lit by the cool radiance of the goddess SelŻne and darkened by the welcoming embrace of the goddess Shar, but no heat yet existed in this place.

Chauntea begged for warmth that she might nurture life and living creatures upon her form, and this caused the twin goddesses to become divided in intent. The two fought, and from their divine conflict the deities of war, disease, murder, death, and others were created.

SelŻne reached beyond the universe to a plane of fire, using pure flame to ignite one of the heavenly bodies so that Chauntea would be warmed. Shar became enraged and began to snuff out all light and warmth in the universe. Desperate and greatly weakened, SelŻne tore the divine essence of magic from her body and hurled it at her sister, tearing through Shar's form and pulling with it like energy from the dark twin. This energy formed Mystryl, the goddess of magic. Composed of light and dark magic but favoring her first mother, Mystryl balanced the battle enough to establish an uneasy truce between the two sisters.

Shar, who remained powerful, nursed a bitter loneliness in the darkness and plotted her revenge. SelŻne waxed and waned with the light, but drew strength from her allied daughters and sons, and even interloper deities from other planes. Their battle continues to this day.

Quote
Shar's realm is said to be on the Plane of Shadow and is a tower that has no obvious entrances called the Tower of Loss. She would trap those who enjoyed their freedom inside, savoring their despair at their loss, though she would allow petitioners and visiting worshipers to freely come and go (perhaps to further torture the trapped ones).

Quote
Shar is a greater deity and she offers her powers to any devout worshiper as most other gods do.

Quote
There was a shrine to Shar in Southbank. It may still be there. Most places of worship, though, are kept in secret and hidden from prying eyes.

Quote
You are pointed to the Church of Amaunator if you want more then just simple contractual law. They are the experts.

Quote
One myth that does catch your eye has to do with the battle of the twin gods Shar and SelŻne. It tells of a fragment of SelŻne that 'fell' after she tore out her divine essence and tossed it at her sister. But it does not say to where it fell or even what happened to it after.
Another tale insists that Shar and SelŻne are one god with 2 faces.


I shared what I learnt with Shi, NeasaÖ and Minerva, who kind of appeared in the situation, yet Iíd like to trust her to be a reliable ally.
-Neasaís task is to talk with Sun-someone about contract breaches, loopholes et cetera, as well as to meet with Dame Averil on the topic of the fragment.
-Shiís thing is mainly to find out more about the artifact, likely along with Minerva whoís going to have a different take on the topic.


I asked each of them what should I do, and it was to find a place of worship of Shar, the one in Southbank.
Shi Lei offered me his company for the safety, and I agreed. Together, in the deep night, we have found a peculiar place.
A village among the cliffs.

Shi is concerned by me being willing to pay the Society. Besides his advice, he gave me leftover gemstones - another support of my manís habit. At times he seems nervous about receiving gifts. Let me mix this batch into his hoard on my own, then.
Iím afraid he might feel unworthy, with all his troubles. That heaves on my heart.
I hope to see him soon.


Aardynís late payment in form of a dinner turned out to be more than welcome. Both as a break from the ordinary and the burdens of a day, as well as a good expansion of my portfolio of information.

However nervous I am about meeting new people, I need to talk with Tanner. Hopefully, soon. He doesnít seem to have any regular schedule.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2019, 05:24:55 pm »

I met a living tree. Yes. Not on Psylocibe.
He.. it complained about orcs, ripping their kin out of the ground, with the roots. Iím not sure where, though. Neither am I sure whether this is something to reportÖ perhaps to Shi.

Uldur for some reason donated to our cause in order for me to be able to pay the Society when the rough point of the fight comes. The moment got a bit spoiled, however that canít tarnish the amazingness of his gesture and my thankfulness to him.


I met with Tanner, and after a bit of an awkward start, we got to sharing. Despite Neasaís words, he had nothing new to share with me. Iím nervous about this. He also asked about Sjach.

Finally I received a mail back from Southbank. The ice covering the river is not making deliveries any easier, that is sure.

Later on I could at least relax with Shi and Sjach, we were chatting, joking and having fun.
Itís nice to see Shi have a personality again, so to speak. Honestly, I missed him.
As always, I get to the point of the little dragon. He told me something today, something I wouldnít expect to hear - and if yes, then not this early on. Despite the twelve-rope knot of a situation weíre in, Iím giving it my all. And I know that he does too. My cute asshat.


I should give Minnie the mushrooms I found. She might be able to extract theÖ essence into form of drops, in which case perhaps they could be found as a good trade commodity, if the House would be open for trading this type of goods.

At times I feel like giving up, but doing so would mean an end. As now I finally get to choose for myself. I no longer feel like Iím falling through my life, though I have to grit my teeth and push on - but I feel alive.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2019, 08:48:52 am »

The Estate is much more quiet now that Minerva left the ranks. Pragmatic, profit-oriented approach didnít seem to suit her, and I can see why. Sheís a scholar, a passionate and intuitive soul - an environment full of paperwork doesnít help it much.
Then again, what else is to be expected in the introductory rank of the oldest House in the region?
A test of resilience.

She and i stay good friends. I slowly feel more and more at ease in her presence, making her the only other person I can be fully myself around. Sheís still happy to help us, and Iím happy to help her in return.


Itís been my first council meeting, and the one Iíve seen Wren fall from the Office at. Uldur is responsible for the city for the time beingÖ and the new mayor will be voted for soon.
Minister Mendel asked for my opinion on it all. I gave it to her, as well as shared my ideas in regards to other things.
On the bright side, Minister gave me a thumbs-up on the drug idea. I worked on the preparations for it while I couldÖ Someoneís gotta keep a promise after all my work for today is done, after all.
Nothing better to motivate me to push myself forward.

And then, wellÖ No more worries for that day.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2019, 01:37:49 pm »

People of Hadrian have rioted against the decision of the Council, smearing the Estate of Reschotti in a mess. Slaves took care of it.
Wren is planning on running for mayor again.
Oscar is wary of her behaviour, and suggested that the House and him should pick and sponsor a candidate whoís willing to work with the Coucil and avoid going behind its back.
This is up to my superiors to decide.

I finished the sample sets of the drugs. Skettus accepted my proposal of testing. I made sure to test the safety of samples before offering them, so I know they are fully safe.
I need to hold back from further production without sufficient protection, just in case.


Good thing about today - Sjach returned what he took to Shi. This will ensure us further friendship and also help my House to be the first to secure a trade agreement with the dwarves.

Iím going to write up a report on Southbank and a letter of apology for my failure at the Voust Estate. I want to fix my mess.
Why do I keep pushing myself further to fix what others could as well.. but not many move unless I ask them to move myself, and maybe not even then. How did I even end up, well sort of... leading? managing? this whole crusade against Menner?

Iím not sure what to do.
I feel lost and alone.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2019, 02:12:16 pm »

ďGood morning, Shitface.Ē
Waking up to my dragonís signature grin marked my day enough for the moment to stay on my mind throughout the rest of it.
Not unusual though, every night I get to rest in his embrace is good, and the morning after even better. I donít even need coversÖ he wraps me up in his bat-like wings and pulls me close into a cuddle. I cherish the innocence and safe coziness of his love.


Like I was afraid, Belorfin couldnít help me with getting the scrolls I need. He also told me he knows no one who can scribe something like thatÖ i find that hard to believe. Heís been around for too long to have no idea about these things.
I need to ask around. Minerva, Raven and Shi might be my best bets.

Iím glad I reported my finding of the open door leading to the Dukkarus Estate in Hadrian from the sewers. Their steward has been very polite and nice about it. He sent thanks to my House for looking out for their place, and such message made me smile.


Iíve been promoted into an official employ in the House for my services. Slaver Zahirra. Sounds weird since itís a title that doesnít exactly describe what I actually do. My main work now is to deal with the situation about VoustÖ now with an official document, I am allowed to take any measures needed to see this through. And I am gonna damn sure use it.

I got a new room in the upper estate, and a new uniform. I feel good. Good about myself and my accomplishments.
"The most precious of his gems."


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2020, 07:23:40 am »

Itís been rough.

Eventful times have ended and Iím enjoying a business-filled break; with the snow and ice gone thanks to my fair share of help and working with (now gone) Wren, Shi, dwarves and the priestess of Mystril at the Enclave.

Iíve been sending the priestess some donations as she suggested, in the form of interesting items such as large mythal shards and other stuff they might find either interesting, of use, or both.

Things between the House and Southbank are going swimmingly, slowly better and better. Hadrian needs some time for reparations, Iím considering doing the dirty work and donating lumber, clay, stone and metal to the cityís emergency funds in the name of our House - a pinch of altruism is never bad, and the city needs to be back in a good shape as soon as possible.


I met a lady I greatly enjoy the company of - miss Sigrid from the dwarven settlement. A joyful, open-minded cleric of Moradin. She doesnít even mind Sjach and his bite-y humour, and that makes me glad. 
Iíve been donating a lot of materials to her. Both because I truly enjoy her company and feel at ease with her, and because I want to see that place up and running and that orc pest eradicated. She and Astariel will hopefully help me with the Voust manor - they both said they will, at least.

Shi has been recovering from his alchemy accident, my drug business is slowly starting to gain momentum, Iíve managed to get wonderful at small metalwork, making jewelry and decorated bows.
Perhaps when I get a bit more confident at my proficiency with this, I could meet with Docent Rosalie - sheís usually handling commissions, so perhaps there would be nobles interested in both decorational and functional weapons. Each one takes a lot of work, but the feeling of seeing the golden frills and filigree ornaments against the dark of the oak wood in the late, warm candlelightÖ the true crafterís satisfaction, the moment I feel complete, even in my flawed self.


Weíve met Arthur again.. or, Boteler the Black now. The remains, or the husk now inhabited and changed. 
That wouldnít bother me on its own. After all, Iím blindly chasing my potential mother-on-law, who is a shadow dragon so Iíve no right to accuse someone of strangenness. But Boteler threatened Sjach, ever so subtly, and that bothers me.
Now my lifeís appeared on the line and I donít know what exactly to do about it.

I suppose itís time to get back to work.

And someone needs to be paid a visit and a coin.


Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2020, 12:50:48 pm »

Sjach and I have been enjoying a period of rest.
Of course, me being my work-obsessed self, Iíve still been sneaking into the Upper Estate to look over the plans, papers and attended several meetings regarding the further direction of the House itself and our goals.

After each of the meetings I locked myself in my room at the Estate and wrote. There are several publications Iíd like to release, and it wonít be long before I do so. However, no work session ever goes too deep into the night - if thereís someone who can sneak past the guards and pick all the secure locks leading to the private rooms of the Enclave Estate, itís my shady sweetheart - who always steals me away from the warm candlelight into the darkness of our cave. It's always surprised me how his bratty personality keeps me sane and allows me a period of daily mental rest I direly need with the amount of work I face daily.


There are many things and experiences that shaped me over the past months, changed who I am. Despite some things, I do feel better about myself now than I did before I came to Hadrian - or even a week or so after.
I still miss my good friend from back when I came here, one that could make me feel like thereís no need to be guarded, just like my dragon and Garlax could.

Trinra.

I wonder what her other goals were, what she pursued before she disappeared foreverÖ helping the Knights. The very people who are often quicker to shun than to accept, she, a drowess, was willing to help them in their goals.
Would they be willing to help her first?
Oh heavens, how I miss her. And Raven too.


With the date of elections still in question, I decided to attempt to take matters that needed to be addressed into my own hands, one by one - as a first thing, I want to have the Northern Farms pond dragged.

I previously gave the note and the evidence to someone. Someone who preached care yet invested barely into the city itself. And that taught me once again that if I want to see something done, I have to do it myself, no matter who sits at the main chair.

Boteler asked me out for a walk, so I took him to the stores around the area. I had no idea how much I miss social hangouts... and despite not succeeding at his suggestions and smooth talk, he succeeded at something he certainly didn't plan on to - he made me notice how one-sided my relationship has become. So that needs to be addressed.

« Last Edit: January 15, 2020, 08:34:06 pm by Zahirra Sa'Laeth »

Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2020, 08:36:57 pm »

And so the times and events go and so rarely we stop to truly be presentÖ

Iíve been doing well, my diary. At the work, at least.
The preparations for the festival are plentiful - I went out to catch some beasts too. I went out alone, as Iíve been and felt for the past days including this one, and it has almost cost me more than would be healthy.

Itís not about overconfidenceÖ I know I can do little in terms of self-defence. Itís more like, I donít know. Like the feeling of having no one to turn to, again?
Iím glad I no longer drink when I feel like this, I just look for more things to do. Little things, anything to help me take my mind off of what I feel, at least until I go to sleep often missing the wings around me.

I couldnít believe when I saw him outside his cave - what shocked me the most was that I felt surprised andÖ afraid? So strange.


Work is at lease moving in the matter of the Voust Estate again, a part-celestial of a name Aurix helps me investigate. She doesnít approve of the company I brought, and has pretty much kicked my dragon out of the whole situation, only so-so tolerating Retzlaff who I took as a bodyguard, originally for Tatiana.
Aurix is to get back to me with what she found out in a week or soÖ and after that, yay, time to put my life on the line again to delve into depths of the canyon, possibly.
Orc mines, repair donations, this thing, the little gifts I like giving purely to feel something for at least a secondÖ am I only keeping myself just busy enough to not see Iím purely viewed as something expendable by everyone?
Though I think I always knew, deep down.

I wish there was Raven and Trinra still around, even though Ravenís plans for my House were not the nicest. But what of it, I have to push on while I can.

However,
amidst all the things there has appeared something, a gift in return I enjoy resting my eyes on. I donít think I ever received a flower before, I never knew what was so special about it. But somehow, it is special and feels special too.
Various shapes and sizes of beautyÖ
Certainly a difference from the one-sidedness of what Iím used to, even though I know hope itís not intentional. Probably Iím just lying to myself, I donít know anymore. Iím risking and giving so much and gettingÖ what exactly. I miss the feeling of pure safety and peace, the comfort and warmth. And how could I know when apology is just a lie.

So now, thereís usually a large, blooming red rose at my belt,
a physical reminder that thereís more to the world than cold stone and business meetings.
Itís so silly thoughÖ
Just a flower.

And I donít want to chase anymore.

« Last Edit: January 27, 2020, 05:55:50 am by Zahirra Sa'Laeth »

Zahirra Sa'Laeth

  • House Reschotti
  • Hero
  • *
  • Posts: 259
  • Clouds, serpents and ibises.
    • View Profile
Re: Zahirra Sa'Laeth - Deflecting the Destiny
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2020, 09:04:27 pm »

I never expected confiding in Neasa. Talking about basic things like relationships or annoyances at our jobs was so relaxing, something I really missed. Actually talking openly in an eased manner. And it felt so genuine. A feeling Iím still wary of, but what is there to risk with all the other things piling up?

She has listened and talked about how things felt for her with Teuivae and what happened there. That she felt unworthy of her, however, it wasnít from the start unlike my situation has always been.


Iím glad this little blank book has become my little private space to let my thoughts roam.
So, this really isnít a decision I ever planned on making nor wanted to have to make. I always loved being his little gem, and I bet I still do underneath the defensive stance and focus on work I adopted to lessen the stress.
Even Aurix preferred to not have my dragon around and later advised me in private to seriously rethink the choice of my company. The simple fact is that things have come to the point where I could lose much more than what I gain. So a change of some kind needs to happen.
Iím risking my future, position, safety, Houseís reputation, and my life itself due to Botelerís shenanigans. He needs this relationship in order to blackmail my dragon, but if there will be none, he will go there anyways. I shouldnít have to feel any pressure to be someoneís saviour or carer, heís strong enough and that balance and safety was what kept me going, what made me feel supported by at least one person who used to give a damn. I have to let it pan out in any way it will. No need to overthink. No need to chase.


Iím going to give the time I used to spend traveling to Sullivans into something else. Writing, crafts, walks, business studies. Perhaps fishing at that little place I found? I have a life to live and I shouldnít throw it away for something that doesnít give back.
I am Slaver SaíLaeth, member of the Oldest House in the Region, the Noble House Reschotti, and the eldest daughter of the main branch of SaíLaeth family. Dealing with trades, tasks, meetings and events which involve far more people than one unappreciative person who I wasted enough effort onto. If I should feel like I have to serve anyone, itís only to my Lord.
I shouldnít throw this away.
And I donít feel the need to.