[Briar_Rose]

[To read Teuivae's beginnings.]

I saw Neasa once writing in a journal, though I dare not disrespect her by ever reading it, but it gave me the idea to perhaps write my own. Of course, I cannot promise that I will write in this all the time - after all, it took her writing to even give me the idea, but I might as well recount the recent happenings.

First and foremost, or perhaps most obviously, has been my welcoming into the Order of the Guiding Hand as a squire. Neasa, a knight-errant herself, was the one who insisted I join the Order. I did not expect as much, but for the first time I feel like I have a family in the Order. My own parents neglected me and I've been subject to abuse more times than I care to recount... so it feels odd, in the best of ways, to find acceptance and encouragement. Though truly, it's Neasa that thinks of me the most.

That aside, I've come to discover that Selune favors me on some measure of a scale - I can channel her holy light through me just as much as Neasa can, whom is a paladin of Amaunator! I thought it odd that I could do such things - I've never been a part of any training or oath-taking and yet Selune has seen fit to bless me. Each and every day, I feel closer to her - her light, her forgiveness, her fierce protectiveness, her acceptance. I like to believe that through my life, my thoughts of her have guided me... and she must of heard me, along the way.

The future looks bright indeed. With Selune above and the Order to my side... nothing can ever tear me down again. I hope I honor everyone's expectations. Shi even forged a blade - Elladyr I've called her.. 'Starstrike'. That's all I want in life is to spread Selune's light and goodness so that people can live in peace and be spared the horrors I endured.

[Briar_Rose]

Is it Neasa that inspires me to write or is it Selune or just the idea of maybe one day my life will be more known than it is now? Suppose it doesn't matter, in truth. Yesterday started out in frustration as I attempted to help an old man route some undead in some red mist he had mentioned but found myself ill-equipped for the task. Much of my life has been spent being criticized for not being good enough, for being a failure, a disgrace, disgusting, ignored, abandoned... the point being is when I failed at a task that I thought I'd be able to do, I was far too hard on myself. Thanks to Shi and Sherian, I calmed down with words of encouragement and warm embraces. As for Neasa... I will touch on her later.

Later I accompanied Wulvarax into crypts to destroy the undead and even found a cult - to which I reported. Before going however I challenged the half-gold dragon to pause a moment and think. I questioned why we sought out evil so strongly and at first I was a bit concerned and still am, with his zealous nature to want to hunt evil like some sort of plague. While true fiends and undead are nearly impossible to redeem, many creatures at least have the chance to find peace. Thankfully, he agreed, which put me at ease - and truth be told he was wise about it. Just because redemption is on the table, does not mean you go into an encounter without caution. I hope he becomes a fine knight someday.

I will say this though... during our journey, I feel light swell in me and found myself able to give healing to Wulvarax in a way that I was unable to before, much like clergy. I never attended the church officially though nor went through any training - does she really bless me so? I have felt closer to her lately, the feeling of moonlight, goodness, acceptance, wanting to protect others from evil. I will be spending time that normally I'd spend training my blade to simply meditate on this connection. I enjoy feeling close to the Moonmaiden.

Neasa - it's difficult for me to put her into words. Truly, she was the key one to calm me down earlier. Just hearing that I haven't let her down filled me with pride and encouragement. I know I fancy her. She is noble, honorable, passionate, kind, and protective and I'm blessed to have her in my life. Though she is amusingly oblivious to my feelings. I even told her I fancied someone and she knew her, haha. I look forward to her reaction when she figures it out in time. I do hold the belief that if she meant to be with me, I will not have to make the first mention of it, though I've hinted at it. I hope something comes of it, eventually.

[Briar_Rose]

I'm sitting in the Valstiir, among the books of the library with a stirring in my heart. I was worried the night before - I had always had dreams of flying, of clouds at dusk where moon and sun meet, but never had it been so strong as it was last night. Even now as I write, I can recall the feeling of wind in my face, in my hair, in the wings I don't have, and feel the moon's light glowing on my skin - it was so real upon my waking that it took me several moments to realize I had no wings, no glow, no warmth about it. It weighed on my mind all day, as something like that would on anyone's mind.

I am blessed however with Neasa's presence. Perhaps she is right to believe we were met to meet together, revolving and drawing to one another like the sun and moon - Amaunator and Selune. Certainly it warms my heart to feel her presence, her hands on mine, to feel her arms around me. She comforted me by explaining that perhaps I had distant celestial blood or perhaps I'm like her and it's been suppressed by the darkness in my own life. So after writing this entry, I will be researching on the celestials themselves - she said for her, she saw Astral Devas and felt a connection... perhaps I shall as well. Furthermore, I'll be trying to find if anyone else has recorded individuals having such strong, suggesting dreams before. I hope to find something. It's like something has been calling out to me for a while, but now it's in my face, trying to shake me awake...

Also I wish to note Arkelos. I overheard him and he asked questions not often asked - what of those whom we fight? Do they have dreams, hopes, goals, pains, and nightmares? I'm glad I was able to talk to him. Encourage him to keep questioning. I do not go into every battle with the thought that this bandit or this necromancer will surrender - but the instant they do, I shall accept it. We cannot truly show Selune's light of acceptance and forgiveness if we either do not accept the chance for them to be redeemed or hold blade to neck and demand it. To bathe in Selune's light is the means to challenge evil not for evil's sake, but to protect others so they may live a good, healthy, and peaceful life. I've no doubt that this is what Selune wishes, in the end.

[Briar_Rose]

What a turn of events, indeed. I lay in bed, ready to fall asleep as my heart sings. Neasa Lawley is truly an angel and I am blessed by Selune herself for having such a beautiful knight in my life. To think I was nervous in sharing my preferences seems so silly now. After telling her, she took to commanding me like fish to water and every single moment, it was laced with a feeling of love and respect that I've come to truly expect from her. We kissed for the second and third time and my heart glows. I do believe now that Amaunator and Selune brought us together to support one another and grow with one another. I am truly honored to give her my heart.

On to other matters of importance however, are these dreams. They are distracting at best and tiring at worst, but as so many assume - they are not nightmares. It's like the heavens to me, to dream of the flight, the feel of winds in my hair and feathered wings, and the moonlight's warm glow on my skin. What causes me to be restless is when I'm awake - a consistent nagging and longing for this second life I've never had.

I need to seek Sherian however. Zazie was most helpful in sharing knowledge of records concerning these dreams. She mentioned a history of individuals having similar dreams and either they simply changed on their own or they did 'something' (which was not explained at the time) to awaken the blood. Though it sounded like the most common was that of dragons, it was not unheard of regarding celestial and fiendish blood. She mentioned most of these people were blood casters or minstrels. So asking Neasa, she told me that Sherian was one such blood caster that she trusted... I'm not sure what will happen or how this will turn out, but I must try. I can't just turn away from these dreams!

[Briar_Rose]

I passed the second trial Neasa set before me! Without knowing it, in fact. She had tasked me to heal someone without asking for payment and there was no requirement on whom or for what reason. A 'lass' (now I'm starting to use Neasa's language, haha) by the name of Selniin if I remember correctly was visiting the Chapter House and had some sickness from the red mist. I stood up and asked if she would pray every night to Selune for me and I'd do the same, so that she may be cured. I placed what blessings I could upon her in hopes that the Moonmaiden was listening - simply because I had hoped she would be cured. Selniin seems to have such a pure heart. That's when Neasa suddenly proclaimed I had passed the task given to me. I can't say I don't feel a sense of pride every time Neasa praises me, as if I am bringing her and Selune honor.

I learned a little more of Menner as well, this undead cleric of Shar. Apparently he some plan to attack the Order. While Neasa seemed worried about some recent news about him, I couldn't help but just feel Selune's glow in my heart. No matter what happens to the Order or the Knights.... I think we will be fine. Selune will guide us and shine her light on us.

Which brings me to my last thought of this entry. Sherina is difficult to get a hold of and with how the enclave operates, I'm not keen to seek aid with the arcanist guild. So for now, I shall do the only thing that truly makes sense on my journey - I will pray to Selune for guidance. If she blesses this path, to awakening my celestial blood, may I be so honored as to get a nudge in the right direction. Perhaps it will work out with Sherina in the end, but what I know for sure is this - I will not give up. I won't let the dream just fade away into nothingness when I have a genuine chance to awaken my blood...

... Selune, please shine your light on my path.

[Briar_Rose]

Perhaps this is the chance I was meant to find. I met with Zazie, a local expert and hin who's very knowledgeable and been kind to me. I told her of my dreams, who the moonlight kisses my skin, of a twilight sky and she searched through her various books to assist me in finding an answer. Upon her stacks, she came across an entry (in a language I'm unfamiliar with) that spoke of someone going through some sort of angelic transformation - they died however, but I could not tell if this was from the transformation itself or some sort of conflict that happened before the entry. I did not ask either.

However it spoke of a Mulhorand deity named Bastet whom Zazie claimed was an ally of Selune's and that she suspected druids may have the answer to my blood awakening. Normally, one may question her motivation as she could've told me anything in truth, but there are simply too many ways for this to get out of her control if she was wanting to manipulate me - and I've a great deal of experience in such matters. So with her suggestion, Neasa and I are going to seek a druidess by the name of Sable. Hopefully she can assist or point me in the right direction and if not? I shall not let this matter rest. Selune knows that my resolve has gotten me this far!

On a side note, I need to write a report concerning miss Zazie...

[Briar_Rose]

Neasa and I met Sabel the Druidess - though it's nothing special perhaps, to most, but it was for me. Though she had no idea on awakening blood, she did suggest a remote possibility beyond the mountains, past the plains and Rengarthi tribes. A shaman by the name of Shall'en lives on the other side of the mountain, whom deals with spirits. I wonder... will I potentially be meeting my ancestor? The one whom the blood cries out for? If so, I can only suspect that the journey to the shaman is but the beginning of my test - there is no telling what the spirit may require of me. I can only pray to Selune that they see the purity of my soul and the strength of my heart...

... Neasa will be tested as well. I pray for her and hope with all of my heart that Selune's light can guide her. She's been having a rough time of it lately and snapped at the druidess. Sabel was upset at the empire for stripping away the earth. In truth, to her beliefs, can we blame her? Further more, isn't that what the Order of the Red Rose is for? Something to keep in mind for myself, should I ever have the influence to change anything. Still, as we left, two animals upset by the orcs attacked us. Neasa slew them without a second thought... she has such a good heart and I have all the faith in the world for her, but she will be tested in the days to come - that's my belief. I hope my support will be enough.

Selune, give us both strength for the journeys ahead.

[Briar_Rose]

Selune, you test me certainly. It pains my heart to see the Empire has poisoned so much around us... I truly hope you've picked the right person for the tasks you're surely preparing me for...

The journey itself was heart-pounding to say the least. We made our way to the plains - Neasa, Zazie, and Fjord - and bartered information from the tribesmen there. He asked that we bring back boars for a trade of his and I had thought it was due to the tribe's survival. The lesson learned is that corruption does not simply stop at the tribes. There was a guardian calling us murderers of the boars - which the tribesmen did not explain to us. They need to be treated the same respect as anyone, but it is a hard lesson to learn that those in pain can be just as bad as those causing the pain. I should know better than anyone, after what I've been through - perhaps I'm just surprised.

Further into the mountains we finally ran into Shall'en's tribe. This was perhaps the most difficult of all - the tribesmen, rightly so, questioned my motivations and snapped at the dress I wore, of the knights. It truly saddens me that the Order is a face of the Empire... we should be the face of compassion and honor, not death and corruption. A hard time we live in, certainly. Zazie's own views of paladins - of Neasa - clouds her as well. Araiel must've meant something to her. She tried to imply I was attempting to deceive the tribesmen because of what Neasa did to Araiel. I have not deceived anyone for a very long time and I said nothing but truth to the elder.

Thank the heavens he saw me as no threat and I was able to meet Shall'en. She seemed calmer and more accepting that an 'Outsider' could be genuine. Though it surprised me, nearly to tears, to hear I was on the right path. Funny how we traveled so far and risked so much just for her to say that it was inside me the whole time. Twas worth every moment though. I have much to consider and to think about regarding everything. If I want the Empire to change someday, I must be aware of the real issues plaguing all of the people involved.

Some notes going forward:
-I must help Neasa save Araiel's soul from whatever fate fell upon her.
-I need to look at the Order closely and understand it, if I am to be truly a part of it.
-When it's time, I intend to repay Shall'en's kindness. I have a feeling hers is a noble path as well and if so, I will be more than happy to assist.

I hope I honor you Selune and your kind light.

[Briar_Rose]

I've been meditating and praying often, finding myself in parts of my mind like a still lake, for times I cannot account for in full. The dreams bother me less when I'm awake still, but nothing has changed since. The dreams still beckon me and whatever self I have deep within me, she is still hidden from my view. I know it'll happen when it's meant to occur, so I do not waver in my meditations - I only wonder when it'll happen and what'll happen in my daydreams.

In other news, there is someone called the Daughter that we need to protect and Neasa has taken spearhead of the quest to seal her Father once more. Hearing of such mysterious, dark, powerful things has sparked more of a need to train as of late - so all the effort into the blessings given to me do not lay on laziness. Thankfully Neasa took me to the Crypt of Moander where the undead often stir in it's halls. This provides two things - something to train against and honoring Selune is destroying the undead.

As far as Neasa goes... there's a part of me that hesitates to write about her. In truth, she makes me nervous because I've never felt a love like this for someone before. It makes me chuckle when she tries to hide it, but we don't hide our love very easily at all. She treats me with a love and respect that I'm not used to and I adore her so much. The most beautiful thing is when her hair begins to sparkle and she's holding me in her arms. The world around us melts away in those moments. I thank Selune for this everyday...

[Briar_Rose]

Truth be told, I've felt frustrated as of late - there doesn't seem to be anything happening or coming from my meditations. I did not think when I visited Shall'en, when she said I only need to search inside and I was on the path, that it'd take hours over a week's time. Perhaps it is simply my impatience or that I can feel myself right on the edge of something that ruffles my feathers. I suppose this is why I write though - it is not an unwillingness to wait or a sign I intend to give up, but more a space to vent. Then again, maybe it's just the frustration at the Empire spilling over into these pages as well...

Honestly, that would not surprise me. My soul truly weeps for the state of affairs that we're all in. When a knight of the Order says that slavery makes sense, that the Rengarthi are savages. What arrogance that is, to put yourself above someone simply because they live a different life. I felt shame after reading that. Shall'en and her tribe were defensive, but kind and perhaps not all would be this way - after all the Empire invaded their lands and then in their hubris, dared to call these people savages. Who wouldn't be angry at that?

Duty demands that I obey those with just authority over me - praise be Selune that it is Dame Averil. It is she and Neasa that I feel honored to be in the Order, even as others bring shame to the Order. At least I can end this entry on a positive note indeed. Neasa is proud of me, which warms my heart to my core, and has said a few times that Dame Averil is impressed by me - which is apparently something of note! Neasa said she is a hard woman to impress and it just feels like validation that I'm on the right path. It feels nice to think that I honor my ancestors as well.

Selune, give me strength and patience to endure the tasks you are setting before me...

[There's a quick scribble at the bottom.]
Also noting that I want to visit the Rengarthi again - going to see if I can make it to the plains on my own.

[Briar_Rose]

I had a different dream last night...

I was flying through twilight clouds, the moisture and wind hitting my face before I landed softly on the side of a mountain. There was a blue swirling portal that hummed with a sweet song, a statue of the golden world before it and as I turned I looked up the mountain, gentle streams cut through the land. I walked across them as if I were somehow home, filling my heart with a familiarity that I've only felt with Neasa. As I turned the corner, my eyes fell upon a soft glowing blue temple of sorts, a dome capping it - something that would remind one of the moon, somehow. It's aura was calm and bright and as I reached for the door handle... my dream ended.

I know where it's from. A wildwoman by the name of Zoanantuss somehow unlocked this memory in me and it was as real as these dreams. Now, they're mixing. I'm starting to question - have I been to Mount Celestia somehow? Was Neasa right to say I've somehow have suppressed memories? How is that even possible to suppress something so pure and beautiful? I'm not sure what is going on or what's in store for me, but I've wrote Dame Averil. I need to find a way to Mount Celestia. I need to find answers. I won't give up until I do - Selune is guiding me on this path for a reason and I intend to follow it to whatever conclusion it brings.

Please Selune, guide and protect me on this journey... I don't know what dangers lie ahead, but I have faith in you.

[Briar_Rose]

These past few days have been an entire change to my life.

First, I finally came to realize what the clouds had symbolized - along with Neasa, Lysander, and Moose, we found ourselves in a nightmarish realm of sorts. At first, I wasn't sure if it was a dream or vision, but it seemed to turn out to be some realm or plane that shifted and molded to a particular person's imagination, while potentially mixing with the dream realm on some level. Arariel, a half-celestial, had failed at some task in her life and had taken an oath of honor that if she failed - she was to die. Unfortunately, my dear Neasa was the one that had to follow through on that oath and it had haunted her since.

Though we met Menner, it seems - a creature full of hatred now. There isn't even any resemblance of pain or humanity left in whatever creature he is now. Though he did not attack us, instead he seemed to serve as a distraction, trying to goad and get under everyone's skin. I refused and stood up for the others, especially Neasa. When he faded away, he made our way outside, trying to find where to go in this place. It was the Moon Glow Keep, but twisted and dark, where skeletons, shadows, and alien creatures replaced what the knights should be - and it was all we found until the sounds of battle finally rung true.

We found ourselves saving a ghostly figure that yelled in pain, claiming we were torturing her... however it came to truth that this ghost was Arariel herself! She had managed to make a nightmare and hell of her own, torturing herself for the blame and guilt she felt for forcing Neasa's hand. This was the gods doing, bringing Neasa and I to this lost soul. I urged them both to forgive themselves and to forgive each other, which to much relief, they were able to do. This allowed us to guide Arariel's spirit through the shadow realm - where devils wished to lay claim to her soul - and to finally... Mount Celestia!

The amount of relief was so great then, I cried. My eyes found where the memory was and where a solar angel stood to greet us. For our service, she granted each of us a boon, but she already knew my request. Neasa asked for a token of Arariel while Moose asked for the ability to summon... a moose, haha. Lysander, bless his noble heart, asked for nothing. In the end however, I have found my journey to have met it's first milestone.

As Arariel was once half-celestial, so am I. I have grown taller, my skin has turned gold, my eyes and hair white, and wings on my back. I can constantly feel the light pulsing inside my viens, reminding me and comforting me of the goodness that exists in all realms. It is not a feeling that I think anyone can truly understand besides someone like Neasa, because I didn't understand before now.

On one last note before I conclude this entry - I met with Dame Averil and I have been given the honor of being a knight errant now as a full member of the Order. Where one journey has ended, many paths lay before me and as the angel spoke, these are sad times but it will take time. In the name of Selune, in the name of all things pure and good, I will do as much as I can to heal and root out corruption.

[Briar_Rose]

What happened between Neasa and I isn't something I expected. I will say I feel calm about it, accepting of it, though it would be foolish to say I wasn't disappointed. Seems my transformation has effected more than just how I feel but also how others see me. Of course it has, but I never really took the time to think about that - I've always been a focused individual. Neasa says I'm too pure now, too angelic to be intimate with and in fact, it intimidates her. I cannot find it in myself to place blame on her, so instead I simply understood and came to terms that we'd be something akin to close sisters from now on.

Though I did pull her aside as I noticed her being distant, but it was sparked by Wren - of all people. I did not expect her to truly flirt with me the way she did, which I'll admit it felt nice, while it happened and made me realize how distant Neasa had become romantically. Though I don't think Wren and I would work, mind you. She'd have to truly see me, but in truth, I'm not sure she sees anyone. There is so much pain in her own mind and so much darkness she yet stumbles through, I think she reaches out for fleeting affection to starve the pain away. Perhaps one day, I or someone else, will be able to help guide her through the darkness.

Besides this, I have found a surprisingly dear friend in Lysander. Perhaps even a surprise to himself. Whether it was originally intended or not, he is keen to aid me in some of my goals of creating peace in the land. I appreciate his friendship and his words and he truly seems honorable. Perhaps one day he will enjoy the idea of joining the Order - he'd make a fine knight.

I have also met a woman by the name of Zahirra who I suspect is troubled as well, regardless if she admits it. Her family, the Reschotti House, has plans for her that she has resigned to it seems. If only someone could show her there is another path - that there is any path she wishes to walk, I think she would be far more happy in her life. For now though, I'm keen to be a support for her in the ways I'm able to be, much like anyone I encounter.

[Briar_Rose]

[Unlike the previous pages, this one seems to have some water damage in small droplets and some residue of what almost looks like glitter.]

I am recording Trinra Damaiv's here in these pages. I truly wish I had known her better than I had. A drow woman that did one of the bravest things anyone can do and turn away from the darkness. She was a kind, playful, and helpful woman that many had grown to care for. In her final moments... I heard her say goodbye to me. She then traveled with Neasa to the drow encampment only to be met with death, though she knew it was coming. In her honor, I hope that peace can come to the lands in the coming times, for she died pursuing it.

I can only say it pains my heart greatly that so many see vengeance as an option for a woman who was seeking non-violence. Enough that I am in tears, both for her memory and the loss we shall suffer for her absence. I pray, Trinra, that we honor thee and that you find rest in the celestial realms.

[Briar_Rose]

The past day or so has been met with ups and downs... truly, life is not what you expect of it.

To begin, I had quietly thought Lysander to not be my friend anymore. He was not the only one upset by my words of peace, though I never intended to imply the crime go unpunished. I'm not sure what else to write except for the relief I feel when he came up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder and reassured me that he holds no anger towards me and that we are still good friends. That was important to me. Furthermore, I am glad to have gotten through to Shi, in all his anger and pain. I wish it was easier to show him purpose, to feel the light that I do, but it is for Selune to do - not me. I pray for that man.

I was able to get a respite however - a new friend of mine, Zahirra met Neasa and even spoke briefly with Lysander. I think in those moments, seeing her try so hard to be friendly and welcoming to Neasa - I was disappointed. I had thought this was another person who found Neasa to be more agreeable than I was. How silly, it seems now. At first, I spent quiet moments with her after speaking with Neasa and Lysander - just the two of us - and truth be told, she is the first I've done that with and felt completely at ease in silence.

She wanted to see the Abby however, to which I was very excited to show her, though her wonder of the world around her - how can I explain it? That is not something I see often. She looks at fields with a smile, rivers with a thought, and animals with a compassion. Selune surely smiled on me for nudging me towards her, I think. Especially when we came upon the Abby, her eyes went wide with marvel and wonder. What truly made my heart sing was when she giggled and slid down into the river, splashing around. I laughed and slid down with her, playing with her - something I needed after what happened. What surprised me however was that she asked to have a meal with me. Even now I can feel my cheeks glow.

Though... I had another vision last night. A tomb of some kind, where the moonlight shined inside, but most of it shrouded in shadows. In the middle however was the a shield that glowed brilliantly. As I reached out to try touch it, the shadows swirled around me, pulling me back into it and away from the shield. I then wake up. The feeling though, was not a dream - it was too similar to when I was beckoned to awaken my blood. It was real as any waking moment with only a gentle blur to my sight and this sense of glow about my mind.

What is Selune trying to tell me? Is it a lost relic of some sort?