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Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 09:32:37 pm »
Entry - 212

Hey Sis, Hey, Snacks.  Work.  That's what I've got to focus on right now, so in light of that, I've made some necessary arrangements and managed to keep myself busy enough that I've continued to expand the network I've established, and also due to the recent events between Three and I, Chan and I started discussing a Tribunal to keep current with situations in the house and to better communicate about things that need to be addressed.  It went over well, and the first meeting is supposed to be held soon.  Which, in all honesty, is good.  We need this right now. 

On to another Subject again, gotta keep my mind moving.  So, as usual Corven and I conducted our daily business and discussed some rather... deep sentiments.  I love that damn bird, I'm not even going to deny it.  ((There are small scribbles here as if the writer was shaking, or laughing))  Regardless, it's safe to say that without Corven I wouldn't have made it this far.  He steered me out of the darkness I was falling in and he doesn't even know it.  It's been nice to have someone to count on.  Even talking with him has helped me to get my head straight... well... almost, the recent events of late have been making that rather difficult.  Though, it's not unwelcome. 
Off for my walk again guys.
Miss you both.
Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 09:03:36 pm »
Entry - 198

Hey Sis, Hey, Snacks.  Spoke with Three tonight.  Surprisingly, it went really well.  I think we both realized we could have probably approached the situation a bit differently, and agreed that if we trust one another we shouldn't have any of these problems in the future.  Her heart was in the right place, it was just the delivery.  As far as myself, I probably could have specified what I was doing and told her why she shouldn't have been concerned. It felt good to clear the air but better still it felt good to think that I had my friend back. I genuinely didn't mean for her to come to physical harm, and almost worse than that was the damage it had done to the dynamic of the house and the trust of my friend. 
   Snacks, are you hearing me?  What the fuck is going on?  Where is all this shit coming from? It's like all of a sudden I'm tired of being confrontational, or resistant. I guess I should stop trying to label it.  Regardless, it feels like this rift inside the house is starting to close.  Which is not only good for business but good for my health as well. Speaking of rift... I saw her again today and the same thing happened. It was like I was a ship drifting on the waves of a thrashing Ocean and there was a lighthouse, shining brilliantly in the night. I 'knew' the direction I needed to go. Something just calls out... every time.  It's not dangerous, or malevolent, it's... clean.  Honest. Something I've known forever, but yet, never known.  As usual, I'm lost for words.  I do know I didn't want to fight it anymore, I don't know why I was fighting it in the first place. 
   Before I even got a chance to do or say anything, Lucy approached me and pinched my arm. She was only passing through and had to leave but she wanted to stop and see me before she did, I can't say I was upset about it.  I offered to walk her but she was in a hurry. It was pretty clear to me that I wasn't the only one experiencing what was happening to me, but until I was sure I couldn't say anything.  As she left, I felt that same shit I've been living with forever return. 
Saphira, Snacks, I don't know what's happening... but whatever it is, It's opened my eyes to a lot.
Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 08:31:19 pm »
Entry - 178

Hey Sis, Hey, Snacks.  So, Simeon continues to be someone I deeply respect and given all he's done for me... the paintings, the drawings, conversations, I find myself appreciating him and his wilfillness to reciprocate a friendship.  Oddly enough it wasn't something I really expected but was pleasantly surprised about.  I have to admit, I'm trying to keep myself from walking out the door right now, ever since the square the other day, I've just wanted to find the 'missing piece' and now it feels like it's associated with a direction. I'm not going to Wonbrie.  (The quill obviously stops here for a moment) Sorry, gonna try and get back on track here, it's just hard to ignore something like this.  It's like purposfully avoiding something that seems completely right.  No, that's exactly what it is, it's not 'like it', that's what it is. 

Anyway...   Simeon brought me a gift today. It was beautiful, the craftsmanship was what I've come to expect from anything he decides to create. It was a personalized Scimitar.  The inlay on the blade was expertly done, the weight of it was perfect, it was truly a work of art.  Which will be placed on my office wall just across from my desk.  I couldn't believe it, it was a symbol of what he's come to know about me, and to a certain degree, respect too I think.  It was made as a reminder that the connections we forge are as important as the reason  for those connections and that one wrong choice can lead to a severed one.  Now that I think about it...  rather proper timing too.  It was a genuinely, heartwarming gift.  One more stepping stone toward  a friendship that I have grown to inherently value.  Simeon has a fundamental appreciation for the small things.  Things that most people tend to overlook, or forget, these are the things that spark his inspiration, the things he grabs and latches on to.  The important things that the trappings of life sometimes cause us to pass over, all too often neglecting them until they are forgotten. This is his currency.  Looking back on it, I seemed to have overlooked a great deal of those things myself in the past.  It's probably time I start to think a little harder about what I'm paying attention to.  Right now I'm having a hard time paying attention to anything though if I'm being completely honest.  I think I'm going to take a much needed walk outside.

I'll be back again soon. 
Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 07:51:23 pm »
Entry - 163

Hey Sis. Hey, Snacks.   I wanted to write to you because something took me by surprise today. Okay, more like it utterly fucking shocked me. I don't know how to explain it, and I don't have the words to convey it the way I would like to.  That.. pulling.   That...   thing in the back of my mind that's been there since I was a child,  for a few brief moments, felt... sated.  It was exhilarating and profound, and a million other things that I can't begin to even comprehend. I was just sitting there, in the square, and all of a sudden this thing happened.  The only way I can explain it is it felt.. right.  Like something I had been missing my entire life, and it was suddenly there.  It happened when I was talking to someone in the Square. Her name is Luciliea.  She was sitting on the ground beside the tree and for whatever reason, I felt the need to go over and talk. I don't mean that I 'decided' I mean I felt the 'need' to go talk.  It wasn't magical influence or anything like that, I have enough magic sensibility to know the difference, and surprisingly enough she seemed to have a similar...  "reaction?" because she kept moving a bit closer over time.  The strange part is, I had the compulsion to do the same and it was all I could do not to.  The entire time I was fighting the urge to move closer. I know the characteristics of the Fey, I know what they are capable of but this was not that.  I have been under the influence of it before, again, this was 'not' it.  This was something entirely, utterly different.  Something that wasn't foreign, yet something I've never had or experienced.  I don't know how to explain it, is the hard truth of it.
(A small pool of ink is gathered underneath where the quill would have been suggesting it stopped here while the writer collected his thoughts)
Polarizing.  Maybe that's the word... or gravity.. or..  I don't know.   I know that since she left the yearning is back and I want it to go away again.  It's like something shifted in place, then and there, and then it shifted out again.  The weirdest part is even though I 'know' I've never felt it before...  It felt like it had always been there until it was gone.  Maybe I just need some sleep.  Though, right now, that's the last thing I want.  Maybe I'll go for a walk.  Yeah, I'm going to go for a walk. 

Miss ya guys.

Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 04:54:34 pm »
Entry - 149

Hey Sis, Hey Snacks.  So, there is a Seeker in the house that I've neglected to mention until now.  The reason for that... is because I wasn't sure how to take him at first.  He has some..  'quirks' we'll call it.  To put it bluntly he enjoys inflicting pain on others and he considers torture Art.  He can be dark, and quite offputting if the right culmination of people, events, and conversations take place.   With all of that being said...  He's likeable.  Very infact.  Simeon has undergone a vast number of changes and I'm not even sure he's aware of it at this point.  Not to mention that underneath all that 'art' and darkness, he's a genuine, decent, caring individual.  I think more than anything he's a bit lost.  He's been shown little courtesy in life and because of it, it's manifested some... less than appealing tendencies.  However, in spite of all that, he always wears a smile, a genuine one too.  Through all of that pain and suffering, he finds a way to to view things with optimism.  That's something a lot of us could take notes on.  He took it upon himself to draw me, one more than one occassion... and the quality of the mans work can't be commended enough, he's a genius with the brush, or quill, or any other medium you give him.  It's taken some time, but I've found him asking me for advice recently and fairly often.  I try to give him as best a direction as I can in an effort to help him achieve results that might leave a positive impact, the man has obviously been tortured enough.  No pun intended.  He seems to be receiving it well, and with it he's brightened.  Not that he didn't appear to happy most of the time, but he's offered me a window to look through, so that I may better understand him and it's clear that things are becoming much more clear for him.  He even goes out of his way to do good deeds and I haven't heard him talk about inflicting pain on anyone if the situation didn't expressly call for it.  I'm proud of him.  As far as that goes... I guess in a way, I look at him like a son.  In the sense that I feel he could use a guiding hand, not someone to brow-beat him, or make him feel less than, but someone to offer a helping hand if it's needed.  In our line of work there is a fine line between doing what's right... and really fucking things up for people.  Sometimes doing the right thing, means other people get hurt, it can be really easy to get consumed by this.   As it stands now, I'm treading a dark and dangerous path.  Seeing Simeon cast out the shadow, when he's known nothing but that shadow his whole life, gives me an incentive to try.   I still find myself obssessing over the fact that you were both unjustly taken before your time, and because it's left me alone, it's left me volatile and angry.   Something I also see inside of him.  It gets a little easier to do what I want, rather than what's right everyday, and Simeon appears to be doing the exact opposite.  Getting back to his paintings... the paintings and drawings he's done for me need to get put up in my office.  Oh yeah, I don't think I ever even told you about my office, sadly I can't write too much here about it, but what I can say is it's perfect.  Very off the beaten path, and very private.  Perfect for work.  Saphira, Snacks, I will be sending those that wronged you your way very, very soon and I'll enjoy fucking doing it.
Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 04:36:43 pm »
Entry - 98

Hey Sis, Hey Snacks.   Snacks, I could really use some of your guidance right now.  A literal shit-storm has erupted and honestly I'm not sure what I should do.  It's more a misunderstanding than anything but it's gotten a bit out of hand.  To put it simply... I felt like a friend was pushing back, and at the same time questioning my loyalty to the house, and my decisions.  It's Three.  We've been in disagreement about a few things lately, I after a few exchanges it took a turn that I never thought I'd see.  Every decision I've made to this point has benefited the house in some fashion.  Every person I've initiated, every calculated move, every investigation.  There are two things in this life that I most certainly am.  I'm a warrior, and good at my job.  She outright defied me and proceeded to tell me that I was out of line and I was breaking protocols.  Honestly, I don't think she intended for it to come off the way it did, but it's clear that If I don't say something, or do something about it, this kind of thing is going to continue.  Worst of all... this was in front of potential initiate.  Not only did it make me look bad individually, it made the house appear weak.  You know I don't agree with Slavery, I abhor it.  It has nothing to do with the fact she's a slave, it's more than the rank structure wasn't followed and the things I already mentioned.  To be perfectly honest, if it had been a recruit that acted that way toward me, they would have suffered a fate far worse.  I would have taken the liberty to decide what the punishment was, and enact it myself.  Neither of which I did in this case.  ((The quill evidently sat here a minute as the writer collected his thoughts))  I'm conflicted.  I have a friend that I want to speak with because I want to get to the root of all this and settle it, and on the other hand I have a position in this house that holds certain responsibilities.  Trust is important.  I feel like there should have been enough trust between us, for her to know that what I was doing was in the best interest of the house.

It's a convoluted fucking mess is what it is.  She was publicly whipped, and while I wanted to go see her after, I felt like I was the last person in the world she would want to see so I decided against it.  I don't know...but I'm hopeful this will somehow get worked out.  I didn't expect it to go down like this, I assumed a 'stern talking to' was in order and I just wanted to bring to light what I thought was a personal situation turning badly.  We cannot have this type of disruption amongst our ranks, it just simply cannot happen.  In order to be efficient, calculated and good at what we do, we need unity in the house at the very least.  At the same time, we can't have slaves, initiates, subordinates refusing orders or deciding they aren't going to do something because they don't want to, that sets a bad example if allowed and I will not allow myself to be the cause or reason of it.  I've worked too fucking hard to get where I am to have it collapse on me now. 

Changing Subjects now.  Corven has turned out to be someone I really needed.  I didn't know it at the time... or..  maybe I did...  I don't know, but I think I needed him as much as he needed me.  I lost both of you, this whole disaster with three, It's just too much.  I'm alone.  I'm alone in the task, in mind, and in spirit.  I honestly wish I could just crawl into the woods somewhere and stay there.  With Corven though, I've found more than a ward.  He's loyal to a fault, he'd literally run into a fire and stand in it if I told him to, simply because I give him a direction but more than that I think he understands that I'm offering him the family he wants.  To that end...  I am.  He's endearing in his own way, he's also wise, people just haven't been in the habit of listening to him very much because of his station.   I allow him to sleep in my quarters whenever he feels the need.  I offered him the couch and followed the direction but made a comment about being willing to sleep at the foot of the bed.  He was reaching out.  He didn't know that, but I did.  I would by lying to you, and to myself if I said that I didn't care about him.  He's helped heal me and he doesn't even know it.   At the moment...  he's my best friend.  I've already decided that I'm going to break his bonds, even if it means I have to buy him outright, and release him.  Though, I hopeful the house will see his value, not in gp, but what he can and does offer.  If they do, I will move to intiate him as soon as possible.

 I'll admit the house is a bit stuffy, as it's always been, it's no secret I'd rather be in the open woods but sadly my work needs me here.  For whatever reason, I've always gravitated toward the woods...  In that sense, I've always had an affinity for my Elven Heritage.  Something about it calls me back.  It's the same feeling I got when I wandered into that cave, which ultimately led to me slipping through time and ending up here, so I should probably be careful of that 'gravity.'
Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 04:01:39 pm »
((Another Various Entry))
Entry - 72

     Hey Sis, Hey Snacks, I know I've been a bit aggressive in my writing for the last while, It's hard to look everyone in face and pretend everything is fine.  Everything is NOT fine!  It doesn't matter though, I have to keep my cool so that I can manage to put things together.  I can't write specifics for the simple fact that if someone were to find this it will lay waste to everything I've tried to accomplish.  Above that, I still need to do the right thing and protect the city, I can't protect shit, if I'm a big fucking mess.   Which honestly, I am.  I can't focus like I used to, I can't keep the anger at bay the way I used to.  My level-headedness that kept me efficient is suffering, I need to keep myself in check.  I'll get my time, I just have to be patient.  It is getting a bit easier to manage I suppose, maybe that's me becoming numb, I can't rightly say.  Things are in place, my network is established and I am back up and running, probably more effective than ever.  One positive to take away from this is that my drive has landed me in many positions of advantage. 
     I am making progress, steady progress. I was called to the Valstiir estate tonight to meet with Natasha.  I assumed it was another training session but when I got there something seemed off. Corven and  I noticed someone standing in the shadows, though Natasha denied it.  She knew that we knew but yet refused to tell me, I honestly couldn't discern why.  Yes, Corven accompanied me again as he always does.  I'm thankful for that bird, he's become more than a slave..  or ward.  He's legitimately my friend.  A loyal one.  I won't let him down the way I did for either of you.
     Anyway...  she asked me to draw steel.  Like any other training session I prepared myself and awaited her command.  Combat.  It's the only time that I am completely centered and able to fight back against the torment. It's the only time I can see and think clearly.  Which I proved because... I bested her.  For the first time, in all my years of training, I bested her.  Up until this point she always praised me for the work I had done and the accomplishments I had achieved.  This time, she seemed more dissapointed in or was angry with herself, than appreciative of my abilities.  Explaining she had nothing left to teach me, she declared that my training was officially over.  As I turned to leave she halted me.   The individual I had seen standing in the room presented himself, he who I will not name here.  After a small conversation I was told that I would be receiving a promotion.  My work had not gone unnoticed and I was to be commended for all I have done.  I was also given another apprenticeship of sorts.  I am no longer a Seeker of House Skettus, but The Seeker of Whispers.  I relish it.

Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 03:28:00 pm »
Entry - 36

Hey Sis, Hey Snacks.   I recently wrote about the new slave that House Skettus purchased from the Reschotti.  I also wrote about my reservations with the fact that it's a Kenku.  I didn't like the idea that something designed to mimic things they heard would be introduced into an environment that I have personally cultivated to be secretive.  However, was asked to evaluate him and I did.  Not only did I evaluate his capabilities but I spent a great deal of time guaging his personal motivations.  He's Exceptional.  He's also exceptionally talented.  After speaking at length and making my final review I suggested to the house that he be utiltized with his talents after a series of tests are conducted to ensure his loyalty is to the house.  Also..  after speaking with him it became pretty clear that he just wants to belong.  A place where someone actually gives a shit about him, enough that they don't up and sell him to the highest bidder.  I know what that feels like, to not want to be alone, to not know who you can trust, and who you can't.  I know what it's like to feel betrayed.  If there's anyway I can save him from that, I will.  I look forward to seeing how this relationship works out.  I put in the report and now I await word.  We'll see what happens.
Journals & Backgrounds / Re: Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 02:33:27 pm »
Entry - 5

((The Scrawls across this page are shakey, and littered with smudges from exposure to moisture, it's obvious the writer was in a state of unbelievable greif.))

How can I write..  when there are no words to explain the void I that I feel from This.  Snacks is GONE!  (The writing here is particularly bad, it almost engraved in the page itself it's penned so hard)   I didn't even get to say goodbye...  I should have been there, I could have saved him, or at least evened the odds..  (A good portion of the page goes on like this, ramblings of guilt, loss and grief, almost like the ravings of a lunatic.)
I left so many things unsaid.  I never told him how much I admired him...  how much he got me through.  I...   I miss you Snacks.  I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry I let you down.  (There is a discoloration in the page to suggest more moisture in this part of the page.  You were my brother, my real brother.  The only one I knew I could count on.  I feel lost... more than that I feel hollow.  I vow to make this right Snacks...  (From this point on the pages take a resonating tone.  Grief becomes anger, anger becomes rage, and the penship becomes more steady, laced with intent.)

I won't let this stand Snacks.  Justice will be served for what they did to you and I will be the one to serve it.   What they took from you can never be repaid, what they took from 'ME' can never be repaid!  (The pressure from the quill left a large pool, followed by a rip in the page suggesting it broke)  I have watched too many people I care for die at the hands of madmen and kill-hungry monsters.  It stops today.  I will utterly destroy anything and anyone who stands in my way.  Every tool at my disposal, every resource available, every motivation I can leverage, every rift I can create, will become the tools of my trade.  I will not only kill them, I'll make them beg for it. 

Time to get to work.
Journals & Backgrounds / Personal Journal - Post Return
« Last post by Sazo on February 22, 2019, 02:05:24 pm »
Leather Bound Journal - (There are many entries but only a few of particular interest)

     Fucking Hell it feels good to be off that boat.  If I had to listen to that crew sing "The wind she is a'blowing" one more fuckin' time I would have hung myself from the crows nest.   How the hell can people be so cheery in the middle of storm, in the middle of the damn ocean?  All things considered though... the trip was far better than the situation I just left.  Being Summoned to your 'foster' family's house to find a cutlass driven through your sisters heart isn't exactly my idea of vacation.   (an indent in the paper suggests the writer sat here a moment before continuing)   How did they know where to send the summons in the first place, I had already left the city.  Makes me consider the possibility that someone was talking about things they shouldn't have been. The worst part... is it's my fault.  Whoever did it, wanted me off my investigation for that Orb.  With the note they left they weren't very subtle about it either.  "You're too Late Seeker."  They were right. I was. I'm sorry Saphira. I know it doesn't make up for it, but I promise you I won't stop until whoever this was pays for it with their blood. (Another Small indent sits here)  I think I'm going to dedicate this journal to you, it will at least make me feel a little better about not being there when you needed me in some small way.  I'm fortunate I'll be able to make good on that promise I made, because had I not had proof that I wasn't in the area when it happened I would still be sitting in that gods damned Jail Cell.  Useless law officials, how much sense would it make for a "supposed murderer" to go around asking questions about the murder he just commited?  Yet, I spent 3 months in the rat infested hell-hole.  Listening to Barlow in the next cell talk about how he'd "Found Amanautor" and how he's "Changed Forever!" was beginning to make driving my face into the brick wall sound appealing.  His incessant rambling kept me up more nights than I can count.  I did manage to get a little information out of him though. He had apparently overheard the guards talking about how they saw a tall figure outside your house the night before I had arrived.  I know. It's not a lot to go on but as luck would have it I'm pretty good at grabbing threads and pulling them until they unravel.  It's why I was promoted in the first place.  On another note, because I'm going to get wound up if I don't stop talking about it...   a lot of shit has changed here in a just a few months.   An enclave crashed into Valstiir, there's been some growth in the surrounding area, the wonbrie is all fucked up because some sort of evil entity has taken up residence and some elite group of Zealots that's part of Dukkarus stepped in to 'keep the peace' and by "keep the peace" I mean burn innocents alive.  The good news is the house is still intact and a lot of my colleagues are still here, and are doing well. As soon as I get finished speaking with Natasha about what happened I would assume I will be getting back to work.  Speaking of which, it looks like Natasha wants to speak to me now so I'm going have to continue this later.  See ya Sis, Love ya.
P.S.  Rest in Peace.  I'm Sorry.
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