The Conch Champion. Independent & Accurate, Always.
I Hate This JobI'm not in the mood for an editorial today because, well, read the headline. So I shall let the reporters "do their thing", as they say.
- R. Hurstport, owner and acting editor.
Heights of DiscriminationIn recent weeks the District Authority Nebular has received repeated complaints from members of the more diminutive races in Upper Conch. A gang of unknown masked humans has been accosting lone halflings, gnomes and dwarfs in Uptown and threatening them or even beating them up. On a few occasions offensive notes have been left pinned to the unconscious victims. "NO MIDGETS IN UPTOWN!" was one of the printable ones. Similar graffiti has been spotted on buildings in Upper Conch of late. Lone halflings have been the most frequent victims of this outrageous racism. With no arrests made by Nebular guards yet it is rumoured that the halfling community in Conch may be considering taking action of their own.
-S. Hellsworth, reporter.
Ogres Attack Sadardiel EstateThe Conch Champion has been informed that the Sadardiel Estate at Lake Vyctoria fended off yet another ogre raid on the weekend. The raids have been increasing in frequency and severity. Lady Apolline Sadardiel has both declared her family's determination to remain on their titled lands and her desire for skilled mercenaries to either join the plantation's garrison or work for House Sadardiel on a freelance basis.
-A. Nutt, reporter.
Another Bizarre RulingConch's most eccentric judge, Justice Oswald Schenker, has sentenced yet another criminal of Conch to a bizarre punishment. Creek farmer Mr Percy Leibold was found guilty of being exceptionally cruel to the cats he kept in his barn. Justice Schenker sentenced Mr Leibold to being transmuted into a cat for a week and living in said barn. Mistress Abighail of Nebular agreed to perform the procedure at Justice Schenker's request. The Creek Farms' head farmer Joy Lambton said that Mr Leibold's cat body is already "looking scratched up to hell" from the barn cats exacting their vengeance.
-P. Krellin, reporter.